Does the Amount you Spend on a Gift Matter?
I received this email from a reader:
“I have a question for you. I made a basket for all the moms in my life for Mother’s Day. I put some great stuff in there. Well, my husband’s mom asked me if I got my stuff with coupons. Because of course everyone knows how I love couponing. She didn’t ask in a bad way, but it kind of made me feel uncomfortable. Because I had gotten everything with coupons, I was able to give them 3 times more than I would have normally.
So, my question is, if you give a gift for the holidays to someone that knows you coupon and they ask or put you on the spot about it, how do you, or would you handle it? I have a million of the Glade oil candle burners and refills and thought they would make awesome gifts along with something else, but everyone knows I got them for free. While I love being frugal I don’t want to come off as cheap when I give gifts. But at the same time, like I said before, with my couponing I can give way more.”
After reading the email above, I definitely thought this would be a great topic to discuss.
My response to her email basically stated that is shouldn’t matter if you spend $50 or $2 or even get something free! The money that you put into a gift is NOT the important part–the thought is what counts! Plus, as most of you know, getting a great deal or snagging a FREE product does take time and energy. Way more time then going to a store and throwing a few random gifts in your shopping cart!
My opinion, as harsh as this may sound, is if people ever make you feel uncomfortable regarding this, then…well, I wouldn’t consider them “real” friends! We are all helping our families save money and learning how to stretch those hard earned dollars! There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. In fact, other people should commend you for your efforts!
Being able to pay it forward with free or inexpensive products you receive is NOT something any of you should be embarrassed about. Be proud of the gifts you’re able to give–no matter what the cost!
What are your thoughts on this topic?
I’d love to hear and I’m sure others would too!
My neice has gotten me into couponing, however before i did get started on it, she made me a basket of “free” stuff for my birthday. i loved it!! i knew that it was all from couponing, but the excitment to me was seeing how much stuff i got and what, and the amazement of her getting it for free or very low cost. I didn’t feel anyway offened by this. now i’m couponing and several girls at work know this, and they will be receiving “free gifts” for the holidays, so i wasn’t sure how to repsond to their questions either. so i want to thank everybody for responding, it sure helps. thanks all!!
Haha! Poor Glade!
Anon 6:12
I agree with you about those teacher comments.
Those gifts are from children to teachers. Not nice to complain!
There is NOTHING wrong with giving gifts that you bought with a coupon. For example I was able to snag the Connect 4×4 game for 4.99 – which is usually 14.99 and up. I will give this as a gift. It is alot better than giving them some random toy that cost less but is not as cool!
In the past I’ve found when someone puts you on the spot like that the honest, direct response is usually the one that takes care of the situation. It’s usually the first thought that pops in my head. In this case a simple “Does it matter?” would do. Or my next fav is say nothing at all and throw your hubby a look that signals it’s his duty to take on his mother’s rude behavior.
In some family circles, including my husband’s family, the price tag matters A LOT! In my (much more sentimental) family it’s the thought that counts.
For my own sanity, I’ve come to conclusion that it’s the recipients FEELINGS that count when it comes to gift giving. If someone feels unloved because your gift didn’t measure up to their out-of-pocket expectations either scale back on other things for them during the year so you can splurge on important gifts or give something that you can’t buy at a store (like a poem) so they know they are loved but can’t complain about the price :)!
I feel special when someone puts his energy and thoughts into my gift no matter how much it cost.People gets expensive gifts just to give something and not really mean it.
Wow! I read all the comments, and I feel kind of sad that so many people take the time to be so critical of others. I guess I’m being critical, too, but to call a Glade candle a piece of crap just blows my mind. I barely make it from payday to payday, and the future seems so uncertain. After getting into couponing recently, I was able to buy some Glade candles to use at my own place and both my adult daughter and I were so pleased with their small beauty. And the totally cool tissue-wrapped balls Grandma makes? What kind of Scrooge hassles her about the soap? I can picture the lovely chaos of kids unwapping all that tissue and comparing the trinkets and laughing and having fun. Hell, put in a dime that you polished till it gleams, or a piece of beach glass–I’d love it.
To my mind, to complain about any kind of gift means that you think you’re “worth more,” and wish someone had spent either more money or more thought on you. Well, how about you try to believe that everyone does the best they can, given their own problems and hang-ups and worries (of course the complainers have no problems or hang-ups, so they’re free to judge others). At least the judgemental folks seem to be in the minority here. Blessings to all of you trying to live a giving and loving life.
To the gma that makes the Christmas balls awesome idea and I totally get it. The responses you are getting proves how material this world has become. I am actuall thinking about doing this. Sounds like your family loves it because you have been doing it for a while. Who gives a crap what anyone else thinks you do not have to justify what you do to anyone! This whole thing is almost worse than the gum wars LOL!
She must have the same mother-in-law as me. In the past when I gave her groceries, it was no big deal because she just figured I got everything for free. We don’t get “everything” for free…what about the tax we pay, the cost for gas to get these items, the time it takes to clip the coupons, and the time shopping for said items? If I pay tax for something, it’s free, but not completely free.
I like that reply “Why do you ask?”. If I ever talk to my husband’s mother again, and she ask me another rude question, like how much I paid for something, I’m going to have to remember this.
Not all mothers-in-law are evil, and to those of you that have great ones, you should be so thankful.
Just a suggestion: I think the Glade candle holders that we got before (the ones in the clear holder, that have the same candles as the tins) would make a nicer impression on people than the tins would, but just my opinion.
I guess those teachers would like gift cards…unbelievable…..
Wow… your mil should be ashamed for asking, ie implying the gift is less meaningful. It says a lot about her. If someone who sells scrapbooking supplies gives you a bag as a gift because she knows you’d use & enjoy, is that less of a gift? etc. etc. Let’s face it, if couponing didn’t require time and energy wouldn’t everyone? Funny, I’m brand new to this and have learned so much here. I’ve really been looking forward to being able to give a little something to people I may otherwise have not because of this great new hobby. I’d be flattered if someone put together a useful gift basket of items that saved me time, energy & money, coupons or no coupons
I have to agree, it’s the thought, not the amount of money you spend. Heck some of my best gifts came free or fairly cheap and everyone in my family knows I am very frugal! lol
If someone asked me that, I’d have to tell them you got a nice gift basket from me, why does it matter if I bought everything with coupons? Give them something to think about!
I just bought a few things for a secret santa swap I’m doing, I bought 5 nice items from the $tree (2 pot holders and kitchen towel all match, teddy bear figurine, mixed candy) and then I bought $4’s worth of $1 stuff at Target (Mrs Fields boxed candy & liqueur and Ghirardelli coffees! That’s $9 spent on the secret santa so far and I need a few personal items and still have room in the box!
So don’t worry about it keep your head up, smile and know you are giving expensive gifts, just not paying the expensive price!
I always feel loved no matter what the gift. When someone gives you something it shows there was thought involved as they could have opted to give it to someone else…no matter if they paid out of pocket for it or not.
When people have high expectations of a gift it makes me wonder if they have grasped the true meaning of Christmas. After all, it isn’t about us is it?
Each one of us is on a differnt budget. Whether you gift others with a huge gift or a love note just be sure it is from your heart and be at peace.
Perhaps the mother in-law was asking not because she was appalled by a gift given with couponing, but rather impressed by how much this “coupon” gift amounted to.
Often times we are automatically on the defensive, while in reality we would be suprised by how many people wish they could work with coupons and sales the way we do:-)
what are the teacher comments? i skimmed through the comments, but didnt see much, just that they prefer gift cards?
Geez–easy on the teachers! Think about it–with a class of 20 or more, that’s a lot of candles/mugs/ornaments/candy! Teachers don’t often have a budget for any extras for their classrooms; that comes out of their pocket. So every sticker, bookmark, or any other assorted reward your child gets throughout the year comes from their paychecks. They often aren’t even supplied with basics for the kids like tissues or crayons! They’d probably be more grateful for supplies for their classroom than another candle to add to their stockpile. My son isn’t yet in school, but I’m glad to know the realities of the classroom, because I would have blundered into one of these useless gifts.
We should be grateful for any gift because it is the thought that counts.
Homemade gifts are the best gifts that I have ever received.
My parents recently came to visit me and I made them a really nice basket and put it in their room. It had every bath, beauty, or health item that I could think that they may need while visiting, or if maybe they forgot to bring a certain item with them. My mom knows I coupon and although doesn’t coupon much herself, respects the time and energy I put into it in order to save money for my family. After seeing the basket, she asked me if I got all of the basket items for free and I told her, enthusiastically, “yes, or very cheap”. I was proud and it didn’t even occur to me that she would be offended if I had. I guess I just knew the time and energy and thought put into the gift was enough… and I think she did too!
I would LOVE a gift basket with practical items!
A “recession basket” as a gift. How appropriate for times such as these:-)
BTW, I love the scented oil candles…send them my way:-)
I beleive it paying it forward. I just let everyone one know right up front, It won’t hurt my feelings if you want to donate your gift, I totally understand.
In the city that I live in there are people on almost every major corner asking for money with a sign, I use to always give them money, then I went to just change, then after couponing i keep food, like trail bars, candy bars, cans of soup in a box, behind my seat, this makes me feel better, and I still can pay it forward.
That’s how we all get these great deals, if we share. If people don’t want what I have gitfed them, it’s ok with me just donate. and if you dont know where, just ask me, I have that to.
yup, for teachers, get over the cute mugs and candy combos…get them a gift card for your nearest “teaching tools” type store. they dont need air freshners or more candy or coffee cups. they need supplies.
if you cant do that, then plan ahead for the holidays when the school supplies go on sale and make them a gift basket full of 10c clearance supplies, and have your kid make a special popsicle picture frame or something..sure they might toss it next year but at least its personal and useful when given
@Kate, I so totally agree with you. How can someone call a basketful of Glade candles CRAP!? I have been using them in my home and my family loves them. And YES I am giving them as small gifts to family members that we normally would not be able to give a gift to. Because of using coupons this year I will be able to give them a gift and one that I use and enjoy myself.
Also to the commenter that said-
im about to start throwing gum ;), LOL, that was pretty funny!!
I can’t believe I sat and read through all of these 😉 It was interesting to read all the responses. I think some of us get too caught up in worrying about gifts and I’ve never liked being told how much I can spend (our family started putting limits on prices…and then decided we couldn’t buy for the adults) – I think gifts should be thoughtful…homemade gifts are the best. Any gift should be received with gratitude – someone put some time and thought into it…I’ve put time and thought into picking out generic gift cards as well as baking loaves of pumpkin bread or friendship bread. We feel joy when giving, don’t ruin that for someone. If you can’t afford very much, dont be embarrassed – a small token can mean just as much as a very expensive gift. If someone is well-off and wants to spend a lot on someone….dont tell them they can’t (I dont think anyone here has said that…I just feel that way) – it just takes the joy right out of it for me.
I can’t believe I sat and read through all of these 😉 It was interesting to read all the responses. I think some of us get too caught up in worrying about gifts and I’ve never liked being told how much I can spend (our family started putting limits on prices…and then decided we couldn’t buy for the adults) – I think gifts should be thoughtful…homemade gifts are the best. Any gift should be received with gratitude – someone put some time and thought into it…I’ve put time and thought into picking out generic gift cards as well as baking loaves of pumpkin bread or friendship bread. We feel joy when giving, don’t ruin that for someone. If you can’t afford very much, dont be embarrassed – a small token can mean just as much as a very expensive gift. If someone is well-off and wants to spend a lot on someone….dont tell them they can’t (I dont think anyone here has said that…I just feel that way) – it just takes the joy right out of it for me.
Always take the “high road”. If someone asks you did you get these with coupons? Simply reply with a smile and say “why yes I did, didn’t I do a fabulous job?” It truly is an art to do what we do. Most people out there do not have the patience or the will to do it so hold your head high and own your accomplishments. There is nothing shameful in being good at what you do!
And as for gifts, a gift should be something that you give because you want to share, no matter how you came about it. If you feel the person you are giving it to would truly enjoy the items you are sharing with them, then it does not matter what the item cost. I am sure you are not going to load someone up with a bunch of stuff that you think they would have no use for or not even like simply because you need to have a gift to present. Just remember we can choose to do anything with these items that we wish and if we feel compelled to share them by gifting them, then who cares how much you spent? The point is the items will be enjoyed and they were given freely with good intent to the person receiving them.
Not everyone has bought the “tacky” glade tins, as one person put it. Some of us bought the glass holders and still got the same deal. Both my mom and step mom LOVE candles and will totally appreciate this addition to their cookies and fudge. Some people here need to calm down I think . . . .
I always spend about $100 per person on my family. [not husband and daughter that is much more like 500+ each] I usually get each person a gift card and a gift. We spend about 2 to 3k a year on Christmas. Stupid, huh? Well, not this year.
I am a stay at home mom, so it is just my husband’s income. I used to take extra jobs like mystery shopping, merchandising, surveys, etc.. to afford our lavish lifestyle so I wouldn’t add debt.
Well, thanks to Collin and other blogs, I learned how to make better use of the money I already have. My new job is to stretch my husband’s salary. Since doing that, I am saving more money and actually buying more than ever since I am paying next to nothing or making money on purchases. My grocery bill dropped from about 800 a month to about 100. We don’t really eat differently either, I just stockpile now for the staples.
Well, I digress. Anyways, a lot of people are going to get my freebies this year. All of the women will be getting a basket filled with goodies like: a couple Almay foundations, mascaras, lipglosses, eyeshadow, Lubriderms, chapsticks, Vaseline, Pantenes, razors, etc….. I will probably throw in like a $10 Starbucks card or something too. The men will be getting similar stuff like the Gillette body wash, deodorant, razors, etc.. and maybe some cheap DVD’s.
My husband will be getting some of the 6 Wii games deal and something else. He doesn’t need six games, so I might throw a few in the Toys for Tots bin.
I got my daughter the Tinkerbell deal with DVD, Leapfrog book, 2 Crayola Color Wonders, and Tinkerbell Lantern for $24.39. (I will get her a lot of other stuff too, but I got a start!)
Thanks Collin!!!!!!!! You turned my 3k Christmas to about $200 and I sacrificed nothing!!!! You rock!!!
We work hard for our coupons – they are not free. Women have a tendency to feel guilty when they shouldn’t. Manufacturer’s are using all of our information for marketing purposes. Those freebies are to get repeat customers. The newspaper isn’t free either. What’s the difference between buying something on sale, on clearance, using coupons or all of the above? Christmas started out as a religious holiday, it has nothing to do with material gifts. Especially this year with 10% unemployment and military fighting overseas…we should just be thankful. Give from your heart whether it’s a freebee or a million bucks…a gift is a gift.
Thanks for all the comments! I’m going to rethink who will be so lucky to receive my Glade Candles this Christmas. I see both sides to the argument and will give them to those who will appreciate them!
Also my thoughts on the “price limit” comments. If you buy a 50$ retail Tag and you’re price limit is 25$ but only spent 10$ i would be careful to add more things to bring your spending limit up to 25$. I personally bought a tag system and games for a niece of mine, but will be saving some games to give her for her birthday. I don’t want to outdo her mother and make her feel bad. It probably depends on your family and the reasons behind the “price limit” rule
Grandma with the tissue paper balls…I totally got it. we call those “bingo” prizes. we get gifts like that at Grandma’s on Christmas Eve too after playing bingo. One year my husband got pipe cleaners and one of my aunts got a roll of bubble wrap. We love it!
Amber
I agree with the Anon 1:19 AM. I would not buy more than the TAG gift you already got. Even though you paid less for it, the value is more than the requirement. Buying more might make people feel bad that didn’t give as much.
I see both sides here. No, it doesn’t matter how much was paid for the gift, at all. It’s really about the thought you put into the gift. And I think sometimes couponers run the risk of getting something just because it’s on a deal.
Example, my couponing cousin got me a pair of shoes for my birthday. Basically, they were next to free and in my size so she bought them. But I really hated them. They just weren’t my thing. But the fact that they weren’t my thing was make worse knowing that she got them so cheap. You know? I think you just have to watch yourself and realize that just because it’s on a good deal doesn’t mean it’ll make a good gift. Would you still buy that for the person if it were full price (and you could afford it)?
Anonymous said…
All I have to say…with all the time and energy I put into couponing and seeking the best deal I could have hand carved them a dining room table with nothing more than a dull knife….so when I give someone a gift that requires me to deal with the dreaded beep, huffs & puffs from people behind me, and some of my most embarrassing moments…they should look at there gift basket and smile with admiration and if they don’t…well they shouldn’t be offended when next year they get a card.
Thu Nov 05, 12:48:00 PM 2009
If they even get the card. I was going to say almost exactly the same as this. Me and DW had many years of financial struggle. At x-mas time we looked forward to our annual gift basket from one particlar relative. Paper supplies, toiletries, cleaners, and detergent. Woo-hoo, some of the best gifts we ever received. Aside from the children, are most expensive gifts will be coupon binders, and filing systems for noobie’s in our local group. Thanks Colin.
My thoughts when I get a “couponed” gift: it’s nice that this person thought of me, and it’s nice that they put in the time to put this together, but if I were really important to them, they would have thought about what’s appropriate for me instead of simply choosing among the free things.
Couponed gift from neighbor, acquaintance, etc: perfectly acceptable.
Couponed gift from close relative: disappointing (unless they’re really poor).
Couponed gift from fiance: totally unacceptable.
Money is so tight. We agreed a couple of years ago that adults only received Christmas gifts if they were free or handmade. I think this will be the best Christmas gift they have ever received from me. I started collecting my free items in January and now have a closet FULL. Their baskets will be valued at over $100. That is something I could have never done prior to learning to coupon. I am a single Mom with two kids.
In my opinion, it’s people like her who stand and huff and puff behind you. Don’t let it bother you. Just remember next time, that there are alot of people who REALLY need those items, and take them and donate what you would have given to her! It takes alot of time doing this. And if she doesn’t appreciate it, she will be the one losing in the end. Remember, we do this to save money! Who wouldn’t want to?!
I’m sure there are some of us who will be throwing (that sounds cheap, let me rephrase). There are some who will be adding some little Burts Bees pieces into the baskets, right? Those, if carefully chosen for the recipient, aren’t cheap. Frugal, not cheap.
My family makes it a challenge to see who can bring the best gift but paid the least amt for it. Then we have a Chinese gift exchange. Great fun!
Wow my family can’t wait to see all the FREE stuff that I give them for x-mas. They start guessing what it could be at Thanksgiving. My husband also travels to a conference once a year and all the companies give out gifts and of course when you get 10 beach towels, 15 travel totes and various other knicknacks they end up wrapped too. This year he walked out with 6 heavy duty bbq kits and everyone is getting one and I know they will love it. What we save for the adult gifts we then put towards the kids. I have yet to see a coupon for Zhu Zhu pets so it all works out fine. Be proud that you “work” saving your family money.
I so needed to hear this I recently backed out of giving someone a b-day gift because she was “making fun” of another friend for getting stuff for free than giving it away. I’m sure in the end she would rather have had the gift even if it was free, haha!
You guys receive gifts from your nieces and nephews? I don’t and I don’t expect to, but if my niece gave me a gift basket of cleaning supplies, I’d love it. Practical, useful and needed. I had a coworker who once told me that if she was served Domino’s Pizza at a friend’s house, she’d be offended (I guess she felt it should be from a private pizzera or nothing). I had never heard of this kind of entitlement and snobbery before and I was shocked. After reading some of the posts of what individuals would and would not accept as GIFTS has opened my eyes. How shallow can we get? To the woman who gives her grandchildren the Christmas balls filled with little toys/trinkets, I think that is such a cute idea and I am sure when they get older they will reminisce as to how much fun that was…what a great tradition!
One year I did Christmas baskets for three of my nieces and they are all teenagers…anyway, I spent months and months (this was before couponing or knowledge of FREEBIES-anything! lol) anyway, I scoured things they really liked, or would like, monogrammed small items like notepads, Christmas socks, change purses, nail polish-anything teens are in to and I was ecstatic about giving them to them, WEll, guess what????? Can you stand the suspense?! You guessed, SNUBBED the whole idea! I was perplexed to say the least! They took the gift, leafed through it and sort of smiled, but I NEVER and I mean NEVER got a Thank-you! Or anything! Made me furious. I guess they were expecting money, I don’t know. I just had wished they had been a little excited as I was about receiving their personalized baskets. So I guess you can never know how someone feels whether you have put a lot of time and hard earned money into it or not. The baskets alone were a gift, but people don’t think about how you went and picked out one that suited them. The world is full of sentimental folks; we are just some of those folks. Happy Holidays~ 🙂
the only issue that i’ve really come across is when people decide to return something but since i’ve gotten it for free or next to nothing, that’s where the issue comes up.
I just tell them to keep it and re-gift it if they didn’t like it in the first place.
to the grandma who wraps up small trinkets (including hotel lotions) I say AWESOME IDEA!!! Your grandkids are not only enjoying a fun gift idea, they’re learning a VALUABLE lesson about what’s really important. Not the price of the gift but the thought that went into it and the fact that their grandmother spent the time and effort into a gift rather than just laying down $40 for it. I know my girls and my nieces and nephews totally geek out about that kind of stuff. Makes ’em more thoughtful appreciate adults if you ask me!
Sarah
Hi: It is the thought that counts, not to mentioned the countless hours each of us spends searching out these deals, clipping or printing out the coupons, going to the store(s), dealing with cashiers, choosing the right item(s) for the gift(s) etc. Hey Come to think of it, these gifts are more expensive than if you went to the store and bought them, time wIse that is, forget the guilt trips that others might try to put on you. Blessings JANARIE8
My daughter is getting married July, 2010. We have been collecting free things for her Bridesmaids gifts and so far have a copy machine paper box full for all 5 of them (she bought a monogrammed bag but that will not hold it all)- everything from bodywash, lipglass, lotion, shampoo, nailfiles…..we still have 8 months to go. We think they will love it?
After reading most of these posts, I just want to cry. Perhaps the MIL was just curious, perhaps the author of the post is insecure in their relationship or ??? But the judgement on gifts and what we think the other person thought or didn’t think – spent or didn’t… Give with your heart, accept gifts graciously when offered and never ask if I can return something – exchange for a correct size – yes. Return – No.
I began couponing just before Christmas last year after having been out of work for nearly a year. A lot of our family were struggling right along with us. I could barely afford to run our home… but with all of the great coupon opportunities for free items such as razors, toothbrushes and other basic necessities…I was able to give gifts to everyone in our extended family without any OOP. They were some of the best gifts my family has received and I still hear about them. They loved how useful the gifts were in their time of need. And my teenage nieces have already put in their requests for their favorite GLADE scents this year. We have all been very humbled and feel very blessed to be able to give 🙂
Think about it this way… if you were getting someone a sweater and got it on sale, would you feel guilty about that? I sure wouldn’t! 🙂
I have no qualms at all about using my coupons or money saving deals for presents! I’m actually proud of how much money I save by using coupons, shopping clearance, etc. And, most of my friends and family know I do this, and they don’t mind at all.
I also do a lot of homemade gifts for family and friends each Christmas. Sometimes it’s food (my dad always gets a fruitcake; I made a gift basket for MIL with homemade biscotti, chocolate dipping spoons, coffee). Once I made a ‘journal jar’ for my pre-teen sister; tie-dyed a sweatshirt for my brother; made a book of our favorite drinks for my best friend. It’s such a rewarding experience to know that person is getting something special, that means a lot to you too.
This year I have plans to make homeade marshmallows for my hubby (he LOVES marshmallows & we have a stocking-stuffers only + $20 limit), a picture frame with pics of my mom & son decorated with shells they collected together at the beach and a ‘pirate room in a can’ for my 4 yr old son (he wants an updated room, and I’m going to use an old paint can, filled with pieces that will make up his room).
So, don’t worry about comments or questions; If someone really knows you, they will know that your intent is good, regardless of how you got their gifts. :0)