Remembering Olivia Engel…
My heart hurts. I feel helpless. I want to help. I need to help.
Here is an email that I received from reader, Kelly…
Friday morning, the best man in my upcoming wedding/ my fiancee’s best friend lost his daughter in the Newtown shooting. Olivia Engel was the sweetest little thing and we couldn’t be more devastated. We’ve set up a fund to help benefit her family.
We want to help make sure her services are covered and that her dad gets to stay home with the family for a few weeks to grieve and heal.
Here is the link to the benefit page. There are tons of recent pics of Olivia that we have permission to share: https://www.facebook.com/FriendsOfTheEngelFamilyFund
Any help you’re able to provide will be so appreciated.
If you feel as sad and helpless as I do and would like to do something, consider making a donation to Olivia Engel’s family. Here is the direct link to make a donation via Paypal. And if you know of other families who are suffering as a result of this tragedy (and you have permission to share their information), please mention them in the comments below or email me directly – collin@hip2save(dot)com
Everytime I think of this my tears start to flow. Praying for Olivia and her family and all the other families who this touched. Praying for our country.
Our Prayers are with all of you. We will make a donation in the name of our children.
thanks for doing this-there are so many of us with children that are feeling much of the same way that you are. I look at my 1st grade son & try to find the words to explain to him what happened. It is so heartrbreaking that no words can describe the emotions about this tragedy. We appreciate all you do. Thanks again.
This is why I have chosen not to talk about the situation to my 1st grade son…
but unless he is homeschooled, he will hear it at school, and then you may not know his emotional state because you don’t talk about it with him. there are numerous levels of discussion and you do what is age appropriate
This is one reason I am glad my daughter is intellectually-impaired. She has no idea and I don’t need to explain many horrible things such as this to her. Keeps her innocent and protected in some ways in this evil system….
I’m with Laura E. Why strike fear in our babies unnecessarily? If my daughter hears about it, we’ll discuss it…otherwise I choose to let my children live with their rose-colored glasses on – and for as long as possible. It’s a crazy, scary world – they’ll discover that soon enough. For now let them be little.
It is very likely they will hear about it. Whether someone talking, something on the news, or pic on newspaper/magazine. I struggled what to do as well, and figured it’s best if my young daughter hears it from me first. I didn’t go into details, just told her small FACTS, so when/if she does hear about it, she’s not surprised and scared even more. She then discussed with me their drills at school and I was surprised how she already had an insight as to possibilities. I think at the end of our talk, we BOTH felt better and now if she hears anything I know I told her first, which is how I believe it should be. Good/Bad news should come from a trusting adult, not a stranger….My 2 cents.
I work at an elementary school and I am dreading tomorrow because I know there will be parents that didn’t discuss this with their children, and I’m not saying that it is a horrible thing to want to keep your children sheltered, or spare their feelings, but they WILL hear about it. Whether the school adresses it over the intercom, they have an assembly for it, they hear about it on the bus, or they hear about it on the playground, in the lunch room, passing in the hall.
I know that I am going to be doing explaining to 5 year olds because their parents didn’t want them to know, and I am going to have to try to explain to them why it happend and that it isn’t going to happen at our school. I know that you want what is best for your kids, and I know that you don’t want them to know that there is such evil in the world, but would you rather them hear about it from you or a horror story from an older kid? Would you want to be the one comforting them and telling them that nothing will happen at their school or do you want a school employee to do it?
In talking to our children about these things it helps them in so many ways, it teaches them about words like compassion and empathy. It helps to strengthen our beliefs, our community and our country as a whole. It also allows them to explore their own awareness in and out of school. My husband and I decided to talk to our 9 yr old son to help prepare him for church services as well as his return to school.
Thank you Collin for posting this. I have felt so helpless and now there is a path my family and I can take. Thank you deeply.
Molly, I’m with you on this one. I’m a K teacher too. They are going to hear about it one way or another. While many parents are fantastic and speak to their kids and/or do not let them see this information on the TV/Media, we also have parents who let the TV babysit their kids//dont monitor what their child is watching//talk to/around their kids like they are adults. They will hear it from the other kids and the information from those kids may not be accurate. My friends who are teachers are all speaking to their kids in a DEVELOPMENTALLY APPOPRIATE way before they go to school. This whole situation is just horrific. It has devastated me all weekend and I am dreading work tomorrow. Thanks to Collin for posting this link…
If you chose to talk with your children and I hope you do, it’s HOW you talk to them that they will understand. I work with thousands of children every year all of which are elementary aged children, it’s my job and I take it very seriously. My team gives the children tools to be able to help protect them when you can’t. You have to come down to their level of understanding and talk with them, not at them about the dangers this world has. Time and time again, I have seen where parents do NOT teach their children about ways to guard against the evils of this world and as a result of just leaving it be, truth be told, I have seen more body bags because of it. That is the hard-sad truth. I know some of you may not agree with me and I respect that, but as someone who works with the Crime Prevention Unit and what my team does is to help your children live a safer life out there. You don’t need to scare them, it’s what you say to them and my suggestion would be to search out online or with your local police dept. and ask how you can teach them if you don’t have a unit like ours. Please folks, it’s a gift of life that your children learn to guard themselves and be street smart as well. I homeschooled my son but the reality is the world did not change to suit that practice, it just got worse. I can help guide any of you to the right direction in finding resources to help. If Collin permits my e-mail to be posted, then I will respond to each of your e-mails and you can take it from there. I am here to help not hurt and I am here to educate not hinder. GOD BLESS.
Molly & CW: I have a 6 year old little girl, and have tried talking to her but have given very vague information. She did not have any questions at the time…. I want to talk to her so she hears this from me, but don’t want to scare her. Since you are kindergarten teachers, do you have any advice on talking with her? How much do I tell her? I am just at a loss. Any help? Any recommended resources?
no, he won’t hear about it from school. I have asked his teacher to not to discuss it with him or for him to be excused from any assemblies about the situation….
I am an adult who did not have this explained to her as a child and it has scarred me even now 27 years later. My father was in the British armed forces and was stationed in Germany during the IRA years. We checked under our car for bombs before we got into it, tagged luggage with my grandmothers address so it wasn’t marked as Air Force luggage that could potentially have a bomb put in it. This was a way of life for me as a child. When I was eleven, two civilians were shot a few miles from where we lived by the IRA who mistook them for Air Force personnel. The camp went on lockdown. No-one was to leave unless it was necessary, we had armed guards with rifles on our school buses. We weren’t allowed to play in the school playground because it bordered a civilian main road and someone could potentially shoot at us and all outside doors in the school were locked. We regularly were sent home from school early due to bomb scares. I don’t remember how long this went on for but I do remember being utterly terrified and my parents not explaining anything. Please explain what is going on to your children. They do pick up on you being sad and scared and they do need to know that while you can’t keep them safe from everything you, their teachers and everyone they come into contact with on a daily basis are doing all they can to try to do that. Children do talk on the school playground and on the bus and come to their own conclusions; ones which may stay with them for years. Allow them the chance to work through these things with you so they don’t become a part of them.
Audrey (and anyone else interested) There is a lot out there but here are two options to talk to your kids….
https://www.parents.com/blogs/goodyblog/2012/12/what-to-say-about-the-sandy-hook-tragedy-before-school-tomorrow/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1557987017/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk
Also search your local school’s district website and see if you have any emails or resources posted. Here is one:
https://news.palmbeach.k12.fl.us/pao/2012/12/14/tips-for-talking-to-children-about-violence/
There are some good resources here too https://hilltownfamilies.wordpress.com/2012/12/15/hf-637
I understand we all as parents want to do the best for our kids, but we have to take informed decisions for their sake. One doesnt have to explain the horrible details of what “bad people” do, but they do deserve to hear the right amount of information according to their age from their loving, caring parents. My 2 cents too…
I haven’t said anything to my daughter either and she is in second grade. The schools here did not make any announcements to the children during school. They are so young and even we as adults have a extremely hard time understanding these things. I pray for all the victims, families and the community surrounding Sandy Hook.
I am in pa. I felt as if I had no choice but to explain to them, my children both first and second graders. I told them with a straight face and showed some sadness just not enough to scare them. This was hard to do. However, after many questions of why and how most of which I couldn’t answer. I simply said that there is evil and good just like in comics. (Trying to help them to understand by using something that they could make reference of.). At the ending of our conversation I told them if you ever hear friends, jokingly or not, say they are or will or want to hurt someone immediately contact an adult. I’m taking the step as a parent (this is an opinion of choice, we as parents all have our own methods no one way better or worse than the next) I hope that these parents in mourning can find strength. I wish there was a way to take away the hurt and pain. This site is awesome and I cannot believe how selfish I was a few days ago worrying about presents, when I found out this horrible news. A donation is something that can help this father stay home and grieve and give his daughter a fine resting place. My tears are connected in some many ways for all those affected by this horrific event. Again thank you for spreading the word and helping. Thank you.
Here is a link to help you explain to your children. This is what we were given by the school district. https://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/terror_general.aspx
I didn’t even have a chance to explain it to my son. He is a second grader, and one of his classmates mom called his classmate into the office, told her ALL about it, details and everything, She then told the rest of the class. NO adult intervention until he got home to asked me about it, absolutely horrified. It is so heart breaking.
To ALL the teachers saying that they will have to discuss this with their students tomorrow because their parents did not, this is absolutely NOT your place! Refer the children to their parents or the counselors!
I’m not a teacher but I do work with children, and if a child were to come up to me and ask me about it, I would more than likely take some time to discuss it with them in an appropriate way. However, I would not initiate a conversation on the topic with any child (unless it was my own, but I don’t have any). Many elementary schools only have a counselor there a few days 2-3 days each week (depending on the size of the school) and it may be six or more hours before the child sees his/her parent(s). I would not want that child to spend the entire day in confusion or fear.
You’re entitled to your opinion, but be prepared for a backlash from parents because I would have YOUR job if you told my child anything. I would keep that in mind!
I doubt you would have anyone’s job. Do you realize how difficult it is to fire a teacher especially tenured? Explain the situation to your child before someone else who doesn’t have your child’s best interest at heart-like another child-does YOUR job for you!
This!
I agree with you Sarah, I haven’t told my 3rd grade daughter about this event happening, and I’d appreciate it if nobody else did either. There is no reason to have her frightened over something that will almost definitely never happen to her.
Thanks Heather!
Renee I couldn’t care less about your “input!”
not to be crude, but I am sure these parents thought it “will almost definitely never” happen to their children either…
I don’t understand how you expect the person who spends more hours of your childs awake hours to just NOT talk about something so tragic. Other children WILL bring it up. The news is littered with how schools are taking action, having cops at the doors, your kids WILL ask the teacher what is going on, and as a roll model the teacher WILL explain it to them.
Do you not see that teachers risked (and lost) their lives to protect OTHER peoples children… they love these kids as their own… they will protect and inform them like they would their own children.
I also agree with you Sarah. I have not told my kindergartener and do not plan to… she’s only little and innocent for so long and I will let her be that way as long as possible. If I found out her teacher brought it up at school without parents’ permission, I’d be extremely upset.
By now* not right now.
In this day and age you can’t keep anything from kids, would you rather them hear from a friend “a really bad man killed lots of kids and it could happen here” or from you, sitting them down and talking about safety, whatever your faith is, and how much you love them?
Imagine yourself in your kid’s shoes.
I understand if a child expresses a fear and the teacher handles it individually with that student. Fine. But please, to the teachers, don’t bring up this tragedy because you feel the need to educate your students. And in regard to Renee, my job as a parent is not to present all the facts to my children, possibly invoking fear and shattering their sense of well-being. Part of my job as a parent is to PROTECT my children, and part of that is to protect their minds from this corrupt and horrible tragedy. Why tell a 5 year old that kids were shot and killed in school by a psychotic man? Can you even imagine the terror that would invoke into the mind of a 5 year old? And then try to reassure them that they are safe? I don’t know about the children you know, but my 5 year old would be crushed.
As for overhearing other kids, yes that may happen and if that does, we will have no choice but to address it in a way that she can understand and feel secure. But I’m not going to go there if I don’t absolutely have to.
It took less than two minutes for one of my 5 year old students to blurt out that people died on Friday, then others chimed in. However, I could tell which kids had already spoken to their parents because they responded with words like “my mom told me teachers and the police outside are here to keep us safe”, etc. The ones who didnt hear about this from their family? They curled up on the floor, freaked out, or withdrew/got sad/got angry and then they had to go talk to a counselor. Please folks, talk to your kids in a developmentally appropriate way. You dont need to go into details about the killer, the school. Please follow one of the links many others have put up about how to talk to your kids. Please.
If you use those words.. “kids were shot and killed in school by a psychotic man” yes they will be frightened and that is likely what they will hear as I overheard a kid saying “Shot up all the people” Thankfully I had already talked with my daughter and told her simple facts, no specific unneccessary details, just enough to where she understood something bad happened. Made sure she knew if she hears anything and has questions, I’m there to answer. Which is exactly where I should be , “protecting” my daughter and making sure she has facts and that they come from me.
I totally respect your choice as a parent to tell your child if you so choose. My argument was that I don’t want teachers to be the ones to give the children those facts without parental consent – that’s a parent’s place and right to choose whether or not they want their children exposed to that knowledge.
https://www.facebook.com/events/146691148812395/146701998811310/?notif_t=event_mall_reply
umm…the notion is nice, but this is really bad for the environment. Those balloons are going to end up somewhere that they don’t belong.
If you want to send something to heaven, light a candle. that’s the way the ancients did it, and is often still done today.
Seriously? The “ancients” also lived in hovels without electricity, computers or mass produced products. No one should feel guilty for honoring the lives of those murdered Friday whether they choose to use balloons or candles.
I agree. I know a toddler who choked to death on a piece of ballon he found on the ground. Candles to put some light into a dark situation are a beautiful thing. Don’t let the haters get you down. Our ancestors didn’t harm our world with trash.
Many families already do this for lost children. If you do not like the idea simply do not participate.
I feel Marla is not trying to be negative, she has a great point. One doesnt have to go around criticizing the practice, but if you wouldnt throw the wrap of a candy, then keep in mind the balloons are also becoming trash somewhere else. The intention is very sweet though.
Thank you for the link, Nancy!
You’re welcome and thank you for your support.
Emilie Parker Fund
https://www.facebook.com/EmilieParkerFund
Thank you for the link, Carrie!
I made a donation to this family. I was wondering how I could help.. Thanks Collin for helping find a way!! I’m do sorry for this tragedy!! It’s just horrific!! I’m praying!!
I watch all the news and feel so helpless, but this post made me feel like I could do something. Thank you for sharing and I am so glad there is something we can do when we are so far away from this tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with all these families. I can’t even imagine what they are going through.
Collin
Do you know for sure that this is a fund that will go to this family. It is sad to have to ask but in today’s world people will try and take advantage of others. Not that I don’t believe they are doing this but just checking.
you are right to be careful, hundreds of thousands of scams pop up each year in the face of tragedy. Do your research before you donate.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/2012/12/14/connecticut-elementary-school-shooting-how-to-help_n_2302760.html
This is a link to an article that includes many ways to donate. Hopefully the Huffington post has checked these sources. It includes the Engel family fund.
*** I HIGHLY Discourage you to Donate to any other Private Links that have been circulatin
g around & run privately Online through Fundraiser websites by other people. While I am sure these lovely people have good intentions with this, these have been provided DIRECTLY from Newtown. ****
Organization 1
* Newtown Youth & Family Services
Contact # 203-270-4335
Address: 15 Berkshire Road
Sandy Hook, CT 06482
Website: https://www.newtownyouthandfamilyservices.org/
**Donations can now be directly made to the Sandy Hook School Support Fund. Please visit: https://newtown.uwwesternct.org/
Ogranization 2;
*Newtown Parent Connection
Contact # 203-270-1600
Address: 45 Main Street PO Box 187
Newtown, CT 06470
Website: https://www.newtownparentconnection.org/
**ALL DONATIONS MADE TO THE NEWTOWN PARENT CONNECTION WILL BE DONATED TO THOSE DIRECTLY AFFECTED BY THE SHOOTING
Organization 3
*Newtown Savings Bank
Contact # 800-461-0672
(Check Donations Only) Please call the number provided for other means of payment.
Website: https://www.nsbonline.com/blog/?p=187
Check donations may be mailed to:
Sandy Hook School Support Fund
c/o Newtown Savings Bank
39 Main Street, Newtown CT 06470
****Questions have also been asked if The Fire Department & EMS personnel are Accepting Donations to their Local Fire Department, and the answer is YES. I spoke to them directly by phone and they are accepting them through Postal Mail at the Address below. Also there contact Number if you would like to call them. Very Nice Wonderful people.
Sandy Hook Fire & Rescue (SHVFD)
P.O Box 783
Sandy Hook, CT 06482
Contact # (Non-Emergency) 203-270-4392
This sadness me deeply. One of the little boys killed shared a birthday with my 7-year-old. I keep thinking it could very well have been my daughter.
My son is 7 as well and its all I could think about Friday. Broke down and cried. I had to stop watching the news, I can handle it. My heart is so broken for them. Such sweet faces, how could you look at them and do it!?!
So, so sad – my heart breaks a little more at every picture that is released of the victims.
From CNN… An official fund for victims’ families, and the community as a whole, has now been established: The Sandy Hook School Support Fund, set up by the United Way of Western Connecticut will provide support services to families and the community. All donations to this fund will go directly to those affected.
Link to the United Way Sandy Hook School Support Fund:
https://newtown.uwwesternct.org/
Elise you know for sure this site is legit?
You could always go directly to CNN and link right from there. I am positive they have a direct link.
The United Way keeps a % of any donations, so be sure to research who you’re donating to. Try looking at the local church where the vigil was held since they are non-profit…or something along those lines.
Here’s the page on CNN where I found the link, which now has additional information on ways to help.
https://www.cnn.com/2012/12/15/us/iyw-help-for-victims-of-sandy-hook-shooting/index.html?hpt=hp_t1
Thank you, I will be donating to the new funds that are now available to ALL the families, not just one.
May her soul and all of those who lost their lives in that tragedy their souls rest in peace. May God give their families strength. Our prayers are with their families.
My prayers are with the victims families. So sad.
I made a donation, thanks for posting this. Absolutely devastating. My heart is broken for the families.
This tragedy is so hard to deal with. Its even more disturbing that they were so young and the most helpless. Our family mourns with those families. What a cruel world we live in where death is appointed to all of us someday. What a small moment we have on this planet. I pray that we all make the most of this life, loving each other, helping those who struggle and the hardest of all, having forgiveness.
Donated. Please help. Many families don’t have life insurance for their kids, because kids are not supposed to die…a little bit from everyone can go a long way.
Collin, thank you so much for sharing this! What a beautiful little girl. I am so sorry to all of the families and friends that have lost someone due to a heartless act such as this. I will continue to pray for understanding and strength for you all.
If anyone else is looking for a way to help, but cannot afford to make a donation, St. Rose of Lima is taking letters and cards for the families. I am a teacher and am having my middle school students send messages and prayers. 46 Church Hill Road Newtown, CT 06470
Thank you! I cannot afford a donation but will gladly send a card.
Thanks for this! I can’t afford to make a donation, but still wish I could do something.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all the families. I know the harder days are still yet to come for them. May their God be with them and guide them.
Putting one in the mail tomorrow thank you for this I have been sick that I am unable to help.
My heart goes out to the family and all the victims. They are in my prayers. Thanks for sharing Collin, made a donation from me and my family.
Although no amount of money will ever take away their pain, I hope my donation will be able to help in some small way. Collin – thank you for passing along the information and details to make a donation. My thoughts and prayers are with this entire community.
All these beautiful children. i am in tears! Prayers of love and comfort, and understanding why?
This is a news article I found. “Find out how the area’s nonprofits are getting involved in the relief effort and how you can help:”
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/14/connecticut-elementary-school-shooting-how-to-help_n_2302760.html
These are my thoughts and feelings regarding this unspeakable tragedy. My heart is broken for the families. https://adventuresinsinglemommyhood.blog.com/2012/12/14/things-like-this-are-not-suppose-to-happen/
Its wonderful of you to post this…..i wish i could do something to help…..this tragedy is just heartbreaking and especially at this time of year when its supposed to be joyful and happy…….now instead of celebrating these families will be mourning…..it just makes me cry and also makes me rethink sending my child to school…..she will be starting kindergarten this coming year and i am scared to death to send her to school
This facebook page was featured on our local news for another precious victim:
https://www.facebook.com/EmilieParkerFund?ref=ts&fref=ts
Thank you for posting this, Collin. Left a small donation to the family…hope it helps in some way. My heart goes out to them. Olivia is absolutely beautiful and I’m sure she’s an even more beautiful angel now.
Every time I see another sweet little face I cannot hold back the tears. It’s hard to believe that such evil can exist. It truly is terrifying because it happens everywhere, no one is safe :”( I am praying for these families and praying for our entire society that we can come together and try to find a way to prevent things like this from happening. It is wonderful of you to post this Collin. It will reach so many people now because of you…
Tis really hits close to home for e because my son is and is in 1st grade. So sad. It’s just devestating to everyone…..I feel so bad foe the parents and the children.
I am a Volunteer Police Officer, and as a responder to tragedies like this, it is all too common for us. We all deal with the aftermath in different ways. Death was never supposed to be part of the human race but it crept in by way of sin. Evil took over in such a horrific way and since GOD was removed from the schools, all HELL has unleashed itself on our precious children. I’m not here to speak on my soap box, I just want you to know that as a responder, we carry this with us until the day we die and theses images never leave. Were not immune, we just handle it different but know this; those lives lost are not in vain, senseless yes, in vain, no. If you were to ask Rachel Scott if her death at Columbine was in vain she would tell you NO! Somehow some way this WILL glorify the name of Christ because good always wins over evil. I’m not sure if my words are even written right but please, I hope and pray that no one take offense, my heart breaks just like yours and time can only be the key to healing for everyone. Hold your children today, give them a HUGE hug, tell them 100 times that you love them, teach them safety, you have to teach them how they can protect themselves. Empower them with knowledge when your not there to protect them. GOD BLESS all of you.
I so agree. The man that did this will not get away with what he has done. He is going to stand before God in Judgement.
As much as these people need financial support, they need our prayers much, much more. If you’re so inclined, please remember to pray for these families every day… Not for just a day or two, but in the upcoming year, as they all have a difficult road ahead. Prayer heals. I know this firsthand.
Here’s a way to help the children of Newton, CT. All the details are on this blog post.
https://www.damasklove.com/drawn-together-a-fundraiser-for-newtown-connecticut/
Please share anyway you can!
It’s heartbreaking to know that such a thing happened on Friday… My heart’s with those affected by this tragedy. I hope they find some comfort within family, friends and their community. Just know that everyone in this nation have been mourning alongside too. I will be sure to make a donation too on behalf of myself and my family and I encourage, too to those who are able to to donate as well.
There are probably a ton of victim advocates working with these families, however, if not, the families need to be connected with one. Almost every state has victim compensation programs set up, which will cover funerals, therapy, mileage, etc., related to the crime. Donations are great because they are usually received quicker than gov. Funds, but this is another resource for the victim’s families. Ovc.gov may have the link to victim services in Conn.
Poor sweet little girl. I pray that these babies left us quickly, without too much fear. I cannot even begin to imagine what these families are going through. I cannot imagine going to that school and leaving childless, and then still not having the closure of seeing my child. Thank you for posting this Collin- as hard is it is for us to see these faces and hear these stories, I think it’s really important that we do. It makes us more human, and that’s what this world need.
Thanks for the opportunity to help this family. I will also be donating to the family fund thru cnn. This little girl was so beautiful. God Bless them all….
A group of my friends and I are donating books, games, supplies to our local elementary schools in honor of the children and staff at SHES…
Wonderful Idea! Thanks for sharing.
Donated. So, so awful.
A friend of mine has set up a Facebook page to send care packages to the moms at the Sandy Hook Elementary School. As someone who has herself lost a loved one in a tragic accident, she writes “I remember the small things in those following days of grief that helped me get through the difficult times. I had to remember to keep myself nourished and hydrated, which in times of sorrow we often overlook. ”
Care package suggestions include but are not limited:
A box of tissue, a small bottle of lotion, one or two bottles of water,
a non perishable snack such as a granola bar, crackers, beef jerky, etc.
a blank journal, a blanket, lip balm, waterproof mascara, and a small candle. Feel free to add any other items you wish such as, a nice pair of socks or slipper, a soothing music CD, or anything else that comes to mind.
Her Facebook page with the school address is: https://www.facebook.com/MomsKare?fref=tck
My heart hurts and aches for those families and children; As a mother of three it is sad to know that could happen anywhere. I can only pray that God blesses and protects us against those who are not functiioning well in society. My prayers go out to those families and their loss. Everytime I hear and read about it I can’t help but cry.
If you have chosen to speak to your young child about this before they go back to school, WHAT did you tell them? I have a child in K, Pre-S and an toddler. I know that my husband and I need to talk to them….they WILL find out. I am stumped for words and not sure WHAT to say. Any advice? Thanks–
Your children already have a sense within them that there is good and bad in this world. Ask them apart from one another to explain to you what good is and what bad is to them, you have to do this one child at a time to find where their level of maturity is. Once you have established that, tell them that there are very bad people out in this world who would not care if they hurt a friend of yours or you and ask them how they feel about that and what do they think they should do if that happens. The best way to go about this is kind of a role play to see where there thinking is but that need to understand that this is very real. Ask them if they thought that they were in danger, what they would do to protect themselves. Allow them to communicate to you; you might be surprised what they say. After listening to them, set up a chart of safety rules and reward them each week for being able to remember what they have been taught by you because they trust you. Use common everyday safety techniques. If Collin permits, I can post some of the tools we give the children here to help them with safety. If you need more assistance, please let me know but this is a start, don’t be afraid to talk with them. The key is to listen to what they are saying because that will direct you where you need to go and fill in the blanks for them. Hope some of this helps….
KAt-
Thank you for taking the time to write all that.
My kids know good vs bad. I know that if I tell them “someone did something bad to some people at a school…’ they will question everything. I know they will hear SHOOTING tomorrow….but I feel like it’s too much to a 3 and 5 year old that attend school. Any more ideas? Kids are going to be in like 20 minutes, so I know I would not have time to draw up a chart right now.
Thanks again for your ideas.
Hi Joanna, This is where you ask them to explain to you what kinds of bad things do they know about, you can kind of draw off what they are telling you. If you speak of gun safety to them and that is something we teach very early in age, they know that Police carry guns to protect but ask them about how people use guns for bad, they will tell you because they have heard or seen things in there very young lives. Please keep in mind that this was not the only incident that happened that day. Boys and girls were slaughtered in China (not sure of the count but it was well over 20). They do understand that really bad things happen to good people, even children. You can do this and all will be okay, they will understand and when you have time, make a chart, stick with it and reward them, also on that chart, give an extra reward for that child teaching another child safety. That empowers them to take control over their safety as well as others.
I did not talk about the event specifically with my kids. I did ask and remind them about safety procedures in place at their schools and home. We talked about fire drills, lockdown procedure, earthquake safety (we live in CA), 911, etc. I feel sad about the shooting. A year ago, there was a gunman lose 2-3 miles from home and schools closed early and parents had to pickup. Gunman was caught the next morning.
As the parent of two teenage girls, ages 16 and 13, I can tell you it is VERY important that YOU begin at an early age being the person your children receives their information from. If they learn from an early age that you don’t come clean with them or avoid difficult topics, then you lose their trust. I am no expert in choosing the perfect words, but have always sat my girls down and confessed up front to not being perfect. I’ve let them know that I love them so much and want them to always get things straight from me even though I may not always do things the way Dr. Phil would. My girls know they can come to me with ANY question at ANY time and will receive the truth from my lips. Sure, there have been a few times when I have said, please give me some time to think about your questions. Again explaining to them that moms are people too and sometimes we need a moment to collect ourselves, but I have always forged ahead with truth and love. Now that they are teenagers with a multitude of negative influences coming at them in every direction, at the end of the day, they both know they can count on me for the straight up truth. It’s terrible times like these that give us the opportunities to really show our children the way. One of the best ways to honor the precious lives lost, is to be up front and honest with our children while doing our best to convey things in an age appropriate manner.
Holly, I have an 8 and 11 y/o and I strive to speak to my kids much like the way you do. They need to know that in times of concern that there is always at least one person they can count on for truth. When you can openly discuss something it does take away some of the fear. They don’t need all the details, but I would rather they hear it from me.
I was volunteering in my 3rd graders classroom on Friday, and none of us knew that this was going on. There was even a local police man who stopped in and said hello to the class. He undoubtedly knew what had happened in CT, I guess he felt like he just needed to be there.
Hi Joann. Trust me, when your children are teenagers, you’ll be glad you adopted this approach. A few months ago my 16 year old was being pressured by her boyfriend to have sex. We have an “open door” policy on any subject. I had warned her a few years earlier as her interest in boys was blooming that this situation might occur. When the pressure began, she came to me to talk about it. She realized this wasn’t the path she wanted to take, but was scared of how the young man would react. I was honest…..he’ll probably break up with you once he finds a girl who is willing. A week later they broke up and he told her that since they went to different high schools it wasn’t going to work between them. She believed that lame excuse, though I knew better. She recently learned he had immediately began a sexual relationship with a girl from his school and came to me and said, “mom, you were right.” Both my girls have had a lot of questions with regards to these recent tragic events, I wish I could tell parents of younger children that it gets easier as they get older, but it honestly doesn’t. We all just need to keep hugging, loving, and being there for them each and every day. None of us knows when it will be our last!
I work for the school district as a sub and honestly I always pray alot; I guess since my children are a little bigger now I have been wanting to sit down and show them how to protect themselves in a hostage situation. I also used to be an ex-officer, so Im a realist as well. I pray for my kids and trust and in Gods word. But I know that things happen because of peoples choices to do right and wrong. Sitting down with your children and talking to them if they are of age and showing them how to protect themselves is not a bad thing.
What a beautiful, happy little girl…..her picture really strikes home the evilness of the shootings. My heart breaks for her family, and all those impacted by the events…..
My heart hurts too. Every time I read more, see pictures of those sweet faces…. I cry. I am scared of the world my 3 year old daughter has to grow up in. Part of me wants to keep her safe in a bubble. My heart is with all those suffering right now…. I am crying with you.
I read a few comments from teachers encoraging parent’s to talk to your children about this. I understand elementary schools and older but what aboyt preschool age? My son is almost 5 and in prek with his class being the oldest students. I think he is too young and I hope they will not be discussing it in school on Monday at his school. He has no idea of what happened and I want to keep it that way but I want to do what is best. Any advice is apperciated.
Hi Jl, same thing I wrote to another parent….this works for younger children as well, I do work with preschoolers as well, you would be very shocked at how much they already know. Your children already have a sense within them that there is good and bad in this world. Ask them apart from one another to explain to you what good is and what bad is to them, you have to do this one child at a time to find where their level of maturity is. Once you have established that, tell them that there are very bad people out in this world who would not care if they hurt a friend of yours or you and ask them how they feel about that and what do they think they should do if that happens. The best way to go about this is kind of a role play to see where there thinking is but that need to understand that this is very real. Ask them if they thought that they were in danger, what they would do to protect themselves. Allow them to communicate to you; you might be surprised what they say. After listening to them, set up a chart of safety rules and reward them each week for being able to remember what they have been taught by you because they trust you. Use common everyday safety techniques. If Collin permits, I can post some of the tools we give the children here to help them with safety. If you need more assistance, please let me know but this is a start, don’t be afraid to talk with them. The key is to listen to what they are saying because that will direct you where you need to go and fill in the blanks for them. Hope some of this helps….
Thankyou so much. I like the idea of setting up safety rules. As much as I want to keep him sheltered there is just no way of doing this. I would love some of the tools you use. if you have time you can email them to me at jjtop1@hotmail.com Thankyou very much.
As parents, we can’t be glued to our children 24 hours a day 7 days a week like what we would want it to be, so you have to give them the knowledge as an extension of you in how they can protect themselves and others from harm just like you would do and you know what I find most interesting when my team goes out to schools to teach, it’s the parents who learn also. I live in a metropolitan area and crime is an everyday way of life here so these tools are so important to have a child memorize. When you are having to learn something on an everyday basis like our training, it becomes second nature to us, we don’t think, we act because we know and THAT is what you want your children to grow up on is acting on what they already know…too much time trying got think about a situation can get them harmed or killed. It’s a tough reality and one I taught my own son who is now a grown man and now also serves his community. I will e-mail you what we use for the children in our community. Hope this helps, good luck!
So sad. I am a special education teacher and tomorrow is going to be rough for us. I heard about the long term subsitute that was killed. I wonder about her family because I fear she won’t get benefits like the other public school teachers will. Wish I could do something for her family.
Meg – very good point. I dont think my districts’ long term subs get anything either. It might be worth calling some of the organizations listed and asking if that long term sub is included in the “will get help” pool.
Why? Why? I hug and hold my kids, and I cry. There are no words. It truly is too horrific to even try to comprehend.
Website for Noah Pozner’s family, including two of his siblings that were also in the school that day, in different classrooms: https://noahsarkofhopefund.eventbrite.com/
God bless their little souls. Innocents lost.
I was happy to donate. Can’t stop thinking about this tragedy.
Thank you, Colin for sharing this darling girl’s story. I live in CT and lost a friend, a teacher at Sandy Hook Elementary School, on Friday. Another friend is a teacher there and thankfully made it out OK, but I know what she experienced will change her forever.
I was wrecked with grief after 9-11, living so close in NYC and knowing so many people who lost loved ones and friends that terrible day. But that grief pales in comparison to what I’ve experienced in the last 48 hours. This was truly an act of evil and will change CT, and probably most of the nation, forever.
Say the name of Jesus
Say the name of Jesus
Say the name so precious
There is no other name..I Know
That can calm your fears and dry your tears and
wipe away your pain
When you don’t know what else to pray
When you can’t find the words to say
Say the name
Lyrics by Martha Munizzi–Say-the-Name
My heart breaks for the families that lost children . I have been crying over and over since friday . I have 5 kids and I can’t even imagine the pain they are in right now . I don’t understand what can make someone so evil that they can take a young childs life . I hate that this happened and I have all the families in my prayers. I’m so sorry for their loss.