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(Thanks, Alice!)
Let me begin by saying I know this is not the place to post this question but I am really hoping to get some advice or at least hear that I am not wrong in feeling the way I do. I have 3 nieces and nephews, ages 16-22. Last year I told them I was going to take them to dinner at Red Lobster for their birthday. Well the 2 boys invited their girlfriends and of course, I ended up with a huge bill because they each ordered the most expensive plate and sodas each. I am a very frugal person and watch every cent but when I invited them I thought it would be nice to splurge on THEM a bit. This year, in hopes of avoiding that I invited them each personally to a birthday lunch at a pizzeria an hour and a half before they went into work in hopes that it would just be my niece and nephews and we could enjoy good quality family time. Nope. They invited their girlfriends again. Is it wrong for me to feel so annoyed by this??? I feel like they are so unappreciative. If my aunt would have invited me for a birthday lunch when I was in high school, never in a million years would I just bring along a boyfriend. I would see that as taking advantage. I would feel like “It’s my birthday, not my boyfriends, so I should celebrate it with the person inviting me.” Needless to say I am very annoyed and don’t even want to go anymore…. I mean how do I tell them, “well i’m only paying for you and not your guests?” I feel that would be rude. And how do you split a check of pizza? Last time I try to be nice…. 🙁
Communication is so important. I know it’s difficult for some people but tell them that the invitation is just for them not their friends. It would be great if you could have this conversation with their parents but they are old enough to understand as well. I think it’s a great learning experience for them. I’ve seen so many relationships ruined because of lack of communication and unrealistic expectations. Communicate your expectations clearly like a calm caring adult. I love that you want to spend time with them instead of just giving a gift but you do have options.
Print out a “ticket” invitation that says “valid for 1 person only with the kids name” and make a note on the invitation that it will be just the four of you or 3 or whatever. So there’s no mistaking on who’s invited without feelings getting hurt.
You’re just going to have to tell them that, because you did it once so they will expect it every time. And they do not know the value of a dollar.
Seriously? Take this topic offline. This is not the place.
OMG! She said it that she knew this not the place, but she needs help from this blog and she didn’t know where to ask. Everyone have their own problems. Please be respectful and considerate. If you don’t have anything nice to say, just keep it to yourself.
Tefer2, that was the very first thing she said and acknowledged, if you were not reading. I think your comment is the one that needs to be taken off.
Thanks for the comments! I know this wasn’t the place but hoped other hip2savers like myself could understand and have some advice. Thanks again!
The personalized ticket or some sort of invite was a great idea. It spells it out in writing for them. Plus I would add: have a conversation sometime before the bday meal with the parent (s) & say “I am looking so forward to 1 on 1 time with so n so, it will be great to catch up!”…..that way they are aware of your intent & meal plans too! 🙂 good luck….
Hmmm….with 3 kids ages 16 to 22….i’ve run into a similar experience when taking my own kids out to eat for something special! I am very frugal too. I’m not sure I resolved it. I have found talking clearly about expectations helps my pocketbook. But be prepared for feedback or even that they dont want to go without their friends. You may need to use creative problem solving skills and adjust your expectations too. Hope this helps! Good luck! You want it to be enjoyable for ypu, too!