How Much Do YOU Spend on a Wedding Gift?
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I would like to start a discussion on what would be an appropriate gift for a wedding. Is $100 too cheap from a couple? Under normal circumstances, I usually give $150, but I have a cousin getting married in another state. So I figure this is going to cost me probably around $400 (2 nights hotel, gas, eating all meals out, etc). My question is: should all my out-of-pocket expenses affect the gift?
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$100 per plate…..so $200 for a couple. That’s about how much a person costs for dinner and alcohol etc.
These $20 responses really shock me.
Not everyone serves dinner at weddings. And not everyone has the income to spend more than $20
Agree!
So if people only have $20 to spare they shouldn’t have the privilege of attending the wedding? THAT shocks me. Since when did weddings become nothing more than a money and gift grab?!
I agree with you Anne. Maybe they’re not in the bigger cities like NY /LA or the likes. Sometimes 20 don’t even cover the invitation /thank you cards /favors
Hello!!!!! You are NOT inviting people to your wedding to pay for YOUR choices!!!!
Big city small city…makes no freaking difference! All these comments are rude. When in the world did so many people become so ungrateful?
I agree with you as well Anne. People should pay the cost of their plate or at least close to that (given it’s an average prices place, which yes, is usually $100 per couple ). I think it’s cheap to be giving $20, when you can’t even go out to dinner for that much money. If you can’t afford it and are close with the couple you can talk to them about it, maybe you can drive them to the airport for their honeymoon, watch their house while rheyre away, make them something etc.
Wait, wait…so if someone can only afford $20 then they should give that $20 and barter their services with the couple to have the priveledge of attending their wedding? Wow
You’re such intitled brats it’s hilarious 😂. Take the $20 bucks to get you a good meal at Chickfila or get nothing 😂
what if the couple eloped and just send out announcements?
We did just that. We received a few cards and gifts, most ranging from $25-$100 from friends and family. We did NOT expect people to send us anything, but were extremely grateful when they did. Even if it was a gift card for dinner out, it was a nice surprise!
I have always been taught to cover my cost plus 50.00. ..we avg 50/head here so if i go alone 100.00 😊
10$ for friends but I try to buy smth that look expensive
It is a gift, it should be given with thought and love. Taking into account the cost of the wedding or paying per plate is silly! The couple/families choose how much they spend to celebrate! As friends/guests we shouldn’t be responsible for covering that cost with our gift!
Agree!
Well said!
I don’t think there is a right or wrong – unless you are my niece. Last fall my daughter got married. It was on the higher end – hors d’oeuvres, plated dinner, full open bar. We never came out and said no children (as we knew we would get a few) but when addressing the envelopes we addressed to the adults, excluding “and family”. The RSVP of my niece and guest included a total of 4 in which she added two of her four children. When she arrived, she had not 2 but all 4 of her children (the seating had already been set). My daughter told me later that my niece had given her a card with $5.00 (yes, five dollars) in it. The average of most guests were between $50 – $200.00 but also some lower and some higher.
I would casually mention the amount enclosed in the card. Is there a possibility that maybe one of her children took the money? I once got a card with no money in it and later found out that kid had take the money out of the envelope.
No, no chance with her. My daughter wanted this type of wedding (and we could afford it) and no one was expecting to recoup any costs through gifts. Whether it was an actual gift, $20 or $200.00, they were appreciative. The actions of my niece (bringing more than what she said) and the amount was right in line with her character.
I always give the mikasa flora vase from bed bath and beyond for the bridal shower. It’s $60 but $50 with the 20% coupon then a really nice card telling the groom to give the bride lots of flowers. Then at the wedding $150. My husband is in the wedding and they are having a bachelor party in Nashville that is costing him $350 alone but we are still going to give cash at the wedding. It’s just helpful for a young couple starting out their life.
$100, more for close friends/family. If we can’t go we will send a gift from their registry worth 75-100.
Those focus on dollar amounts for a wedding gift and the expectation for high dollar amounts is mind boggling to me. We got married 14 years ago and I made a point of the majority of the items on my registry being under $50. We really didn’t care about a gift. We invited people we wanted to share our day with. Yes, we were gifted some expensive items and some very generous gifts. Now, I couldn’t tell you the names of the people who gifted those. One of my favorites? A hand-made sign with our name we could hang in our home. It’s now been placed in three different houses and is one of the first things I put up when we move. Probably cost my friend $10 to make.
When I’m invited to a wedding, I’m hoping that I’ve been invited because the couple wants to share their day with me, not that they’re recouping costs. I generally try to purchase something from the registry that fits with our current budget. I’m not worried about earning my meal (if it’s a wedding with a dinner), but in gifting them with something that they want and need and celebrating them as they start their life together.
We must have been posting at the same time – this is pretty much exactly what I wrote below! 🙂
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Yes! I think most costs of a wedding are ridiculous and not necessary. I personally think the family couple should never expect anything but look at costs/meals/etc and the way they want their day and how they wanted to spend (or not spend) the money on. I am telling my children either they can have a lovely less expensive wedding and I’ll gift them the money they saved. No one ever need to spend thousands on dresses, center pieces, flowers, venues, good or otherwise to have a lovely day!!!
This post is helpful. I have a wedding in August and its out of town. We are struggling financially and between clothing and two nights away we’re already looking at spending a fortune, before the gift. I don’t want to be cheap but I’m still trying to figure out how we’re possibly going to afford all of this.
I think people would be understanding of that. I had a wonderful family friend travel across country for my wedding. She mentioned that she still needed to get me a gift and I told her not to – that her coming was gift enough.
We did not expect nor want gifts from our out of town guests because we knew the travel expenses were enough of a burden and we don’t like putting financial stress on people. We were just so happy with those that were able to make the journey to celebrate with us. I would like to hope that most people feel this way when asking guests to attend an out of town wedding, that their gift was being there to celebrate with them.
When you are asked to travel out of town for a wedding (especially via plane) you are not expected to give an expensive gift. Your gift is typically your attendance. My husband and I got married in Mexico and we told everyone who came that their gift was their presence at our wedding. Couples were spending $1000+ between airfare and hotel, so we obviously didn’t want them to spend anymore on us!
Do what you can afford and don’t feel guilty about it. People have to understand that when they have a wedding where guests have to travel they shouldn’t expect much for a gift.
When I got married, I did not for a second think about the value of any gifts that were given to me – cash, gift cards, whatever. It truly didn’t matter to me. I was thankful for every gift that we were given, even if we got duplicates of some (which we did) or some just weren’t our style (this also happened).
Seriously, people, it’s a GIFT. If you’re throwing a wedding and inviting a bunch of people just so you can get a bunch of stuff, please rethink your priorities. That is not the point! And if you as a guest are thinking that you should somehow “reimburse” the bride and groom for the expense of the wedding, where does that mentality come from? Aren’t you going to the wedding to congratulate them and share in their joy? Whether or not you attend the wedding, your GIFT should come from a place of wanting to bless the couple, whether that’s by taking the time to put together something super personal (yet not expensive) for them or by giving them a bunch of money toward a down payment. I think it’s all in YOUR attitude and is a very personal choice. Some may only be able to give $20, some may have the means to give $100 or more. No judgment here!
Agree!
🙌🏻Yes!! When we got married, we invited people to CELEBRATE with us…not so they could pay for their meal?!?? What in the actual….??? The gift is just to help them get their joined life started. I had no clue people were feeling so entitled to me paying for my meal that THEY invited me to. Pretty ridiculous.
It may be the circles I run in, but most of the weddings I attend are frugally done. Hosted at a church for free, some nice homemade/pinterest decorations, some finger food, and their cousin as the DJ Ü. I think it is fine to give ~$30 for a gift here. If I were invited to more lavish weddings with meals and alcohol and a fancy venue, I would feel the need to give more.
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My father works as a banquet chef so I was raised that you give at least what your meal is worth which is average $100 per person, if it’s family or a really close friend I double that. If it’s a destination wedding I would do $100 per person but i know sometimes you can’t afford that so give what you can.
My daughter was married 2 weeks ago at golf course. The meal which included prime rib or pork, ziti, rolls, 2 vegetables, salad..open bar with self serve beer and soda cost was $40 per person. Plus she did a cocktail hour while they took pictures with a signature drink and had the bar open this was additional. Most people do not give the amount to cover their meal. We found the average person gave $50 per couple and this was from people who could well afford more. Personally when we go to a wedding we give at least $30 per person for our meal and if there is liquor then we add another $5 to $10 per person then another $20 to $25 for a gift
It’s interesting to see all the responses and different thoughts. I would be curious to know location and income of everyone responding. I think that would be very telling.
Here in a more rural area of GA the majority if weddings I’ve attended over the years are mid afternoon and have small receptions with cake and maybe some finger foods. Prior to getting married i made around 25k and I normally spent $20 – 30 on a gift from their registry for acquaintances/friends. For closer friends and family I might go up to $100 for something I thought they’d really like if I could afford it at the time.
I do think it depends on your location and where they are getting married and what you can afford. But if you can afford it I would saw to at least cover your plate. My father is a chef in NY so the cost of a wedding there is high but yet again most people living there can afford these expensive weddings anyways.
$20. Even better if I get a deal
I purchased a small gift on the registry, but I think the bride got more joy from me helping with her wedding. I suggest if you have a talent or craft passion, please share with the bride. I was able to help her gift monogrammed purses and white button up shirts to her bridesmaids and one for the bride with my monogram machine. Something as simple has offering to help absorb those cost for monograms, or items for the wedding means more to the bride than you know. Please share your talents with the bride/groom! They will love it!
$200 for friends, more than double for family, $100 for co-workers. We live in SoCal = high cost of living.
Thanks to hip2save, I average like$15!
What if you just go to the wedding and not the reception?
How much do you give?
It sends on how close we are to the friend or family (not in distance/miles but in ties to them and how well we know them). We have always financially struggled since my jab and changed jobs. I would love to give about $50 to close family or friends but often we just can’t with our own family of 6 kids and money issues. The last 2 times we gave a nice $30 gift and never received an acknowledgment nor a thank you, which I think is rude. Why bother giving if they don’t seem to care and it’s just ” expected”? Sorry if that sounds rude too. I am the type of person that never expected anything g from our wedding and we didn’t have a registry either. It was about the friends, family and sharing—not about how much we score from getting married!
We’re in the same boat. We can’t financially afford $100 and every wedding I’ve been to there is NO registry and they want cash. It’s even stated on the wedding invitation. We’ve never received thank you cards either…are they becoming obsolete?
I think it’s rude not to send a thank you card if a gift is received no matter what the dollar amount or gift is.
Guess it goes both ways. If you feel bride /groom should not expect a gift or higher amount gift from guest when they are special enough to be invited then guest shouldn’t expect a thank you note either, they should be glad they got invited? Personally I do physical thank you cards regardless, where these days an electronic thank you email /card is actually quite the norm for some or nothing at all.
The new “norm” is either sending an electronic thank you or not sending one at all? I guess I’m old fashioned at 42 lol
Agreed. Out of the last four weddings we have attended, only one couple sent a thank you. It is always polite to say thanks!
We typically give $100 cash or an item off their registry close to that amount.
Mostly as a shower gift, but sometimes as a wedding gift I do a photo album with the invitation engraved on the front, or a picture frame with the name of the Bride and Groom and the wedding date engraved. Photo album I have gotten off of Personal Creations for about $30, and a wooden personalized frame on Ebay for less than $20. Not terribly expensive, but unique; and it shows you put some thought into the gift. The personalized gifts are the ones I remember best and treasure. My friends and family always loved the albums!
When we married two years ago, we received sentimental inexpensive gifts and cards from friends who have very little money and as much as $400 from wealthy close relatives. We had maybe 1 or 2 couples attend who gave us very little ($25) and yet spend $100 or more when they go out to eat at a restaurant. I remember being shocked that they found so little value in celebrating our marriage, but spent $50 on a round of golf at the resort before our ceremony. Dont be like them to “save a few bucks”– it does get noticed, it does hurt feelings, and they do remember. But if you dont have expendable income, I promise the bride and groom will understand.
You sound very shallow to pay “attention” to how much someone is spending on other things?? You are acting the rude one. 😕
I don’t think she is being rude here. It is not like she is saying that to someone’s face. She is just giving her opinion on this topic. And she does not have to paying a lot of attention to what someone is saying. Sometimes you just see things. That’s it.
If these were her wedding guests, you’d expect she’d know them pretty well. No “special attention” needed to make these observations.
Wow! Shallow indeed. A gift is a gift regardless of the value.
I agree. We had very wealthy (millionaire) family members come to our wedding and only gifted $20 for the couple. It was insulting, and I’m about as relaxed as anyone and am the kid of person to say “save your $!”, but when someone who obviously has $ doesn’t even cover their cost to be there you can’t help but be insulted.
Wow
I usually do $25 to $50 in cash depending on how well I know the couple. I really try to watch the deals and give gifts that usually cost more but that I got on a good sale. I love giving good towels or a crockpot.
I always give gifts b/c I save so much with hip2save! They don’t know that I spent hardly nothing for a great gift!
When I got married 6 years ago I honestly planned the wedding I wanted. I didn’t expect any gifts. It was my first wedding all though we had already had a 1 year old baby (got pregnant after getting engaged 😳) lol. We had been living together for almost 3 years do we didn’t “need” anything. I was very grateful for every gift we got. I couldn’t tell you how much each person gave me but I think the gift cards/checks ranged from $50-$150. I’ve never heard of someone needing to try to cover the cost per head to attend a wedding. I know my husband I only invited those closest to you approx 60 people because that is what we could afford. It was small and intimate.
Last year Collin posted a great deal on Pyrex mixing bowls with lids and I got for like $13 regularly like $60. Then recently I got a great deal at KMart on a Dutch oven for like $12 regular $59. Again, great gift, great deal and nobody is the wiser.
Usually 150 a person but I have one coming up on Sunday and plan on 200 a person it’s in a very expensive hall and the plate alone is 120. For not close friend id give 300 a couple
In my country we gift gold, money or appliances, tv…if they’re family or best friends if not something less and money or tissues (fabrics) for the old women in the family : grannies, mothers, aunties …and we give money also when someone pass away (for the women also even young women)
Last summer we had 4 weddings and 5 graduations we gave $100 for weddings $50 for ea graduate btw 2 of the 4 are now divorced 😬
Wow. Truth to those statistics I guess!
We give at least $100, a little more depending on how well we know the couple
I honestly don’t change the amount I give to the wedding couple based on how much they spent on their wedding. How would I know the cost of what is being served and who is paying for it? Should I give less because a couple chose to have a frugal wedding and saved their money for a down payment on a house instead? Of course not.
Yes! Agreed!
$200-250 cash is the best way to go.
The restauran normally charged per head count meal average is $80 – 150 so I think is the right thing that we give them enough to cover the cost of your family. I normally give $100 cash per head count.
I have a family come to my wedding last mint on my sister in law side last min. For 6 people and I have to get an extra table for $1000 and they give me $150 cash that is not very considered of them to dump the extra burden at me last min.
I admit I did not get a gift for the last wedding I attended. My family and I traveled 17 hours by car there & back with 2 small children & it was hell. The rental was a few hundred, the hotel was a couple hundred, gas a couple hundred, etc…We dipped into our savings to pay that and are wiped clean, almost no savings left. I debated heavily on going because of this. I did plan on stopping for a gift on the way up there, but honestly forgot….Not that it mattered, but I don’t recall receiving a gift from there for our wedding…I didn’t receive a gift from most, which was completely understandable as most of my guests, including them, were college students, as are we right now. (Did it backwards!) I am positive my parents gifted heavily to them (wouldn’t be surprised if they put our name on the gift as well).
I did have someone tell me you have a year to still get a gift, so I planned on doing that…But looking at their registry, they only have very, very expensive things left on it…..
Maybe send a thoughtful card, remembering the great time or helpful, funny advise from your own marriage? I honestly think kindness and love are worth more than money or expensive gifts! I would treasure the kind words and knowing that you sacrificed to share in making my day great!
I’m planning a wedding right now, and it never occurred to me that I should only invite people that can afford to cover their cost per head. I’m inviting people that I want to share this special day with and if I don’t get one present, I wouldn’t resent anyone. My guest list is based on people I care about, not people who make more money. I had two weddings last weekend, one was small and intimate, the other was a big wedding with a bigger reception. I spent the same on both gifts. I don’t see why I would buy more things for the couple who already had enough money to have a huge wedding and buy something small for the couple who was more hard up and pinched pennies. Tsk tsk.
You’re so right! I love how you think!
This is so strange to me to read these comments. A wedding is not a gift grab- it’s supposed to be a celebration of love with those who are close to the couple. I have no idea what the average gift was at my wedding as I didn’t care about the gifts – I just wanted my family and friends to celebrate with me. I think if you expect people to cover their plate cost you are un essence asking them to subsidize YOUR party. That’s not a gift that us a cover charge. I give based on relationship.
Interesting comments! I typically give $20, if its someone I’m close with I give a bottle of wine also. In my area there are plenty of ways to have an inexpensive wedding. Several places serve good meals for less than $10 a plate. If someone chooses to go a more expensive route, that is their prerogative. I think its a bit strange to think a guest should be covering the cost of their attendance with a gift. I know that when I got married I received $10-$50 per family. We live in a small town (low wages/low cost of living) and a have a zillion cousins, we’d go broke giving more when their are several weddings each summer.
Collin and crew, if you see this could you please edit my last name out of the previous post? Thank you 🙂
Just fixed it! You’re so welcome! 🙂
Depends on who it’s for. Close family and friends $100 – $150. Distant family, coworker or church member, $50. Old friend or acquaintance $25.
Always at least $100 from my husband and I. Anything valued significantly less is a little rude in my opinion because you need to be sure to cover the cost of your meal.
WHY am I expected to cover the cost of the meal, as an invited guest?
Living in CT the average wedding costs between $125 & $175 a plate! which means that just for you to be there the bride & groom are spending that much. We usually give $300 to cover the cost of us being there and an extra $100 to $200 for the gift. So a total of $400 to $500!! After our wedding, so many people didn’t even give enough to cover the cost of them being there (and our price was was considerably under the average) Personally I think any gift less than $75 a person is just insulting (unless they are still in college or younger).
Well darlin’… looks like you only hang around a bunch of rude, cheap, insulting people based on your thinking. That is a sad way to see things.
Agreed!
I know it was our decision, but we paid over $200 a person. (Granted we live in NYC) I wasn’t expecting people to cover the cost of their plate bc it was OUR choice to spend that much. Being said, most people gave 100-150 per person. Which I was very grateful for all who gave 🙂 Most weddings I have been to recently are atleast $125 a head.
I’ve always done $200 for close friends/family, $100 for a good friend and $300-$500 for immediate family. I should note this is from both my boyfriend and me. If my family gets invited then it’s more than that. My reasoning for this is unlike birthdays weddings ideally only happen once in the persons life, and the cost of weddings ( having just helped plan my boyfriends sisters) is so high nowadays! A head for dinner was $135, and that was the best deal they found!
I got married 9 years ago, and it would never have occurred to me to judge someone based on the amount of $ they gifted, or that their gift was somehow tied to the amount my parents made the choice to spend on our wedding. We invited people to our wedding because we loved them and wanted to share our day with them. I remember keeping a list of gifts, ONLY so I could write my “thank you” notes. Thank goodness my Mama taught me well enough to know that that was the ONLY reason I should have kept track of the gifts we received. My parents gave my hubby and I an amazing wedding, with a budget based on what they could comfortably afford, and I assume people gifted based on their budget as well, as it should be. Leave the judgement at home, and just enjoy the love at a wedding ❤️
There’s a difference between cheap & unable. I’m hearing a lot of cheap here. Don’t be “that guy.” We all love a deal which is why we’re here, but there a tactful way to spend less while giving more (ie a great hip2save deal or something sentimental). Let’s all agree to skip the $20 check 🙂 In answer to the original question…$100 seems average/the norm to me if able.
And there is a difference between being grateful and ungrateful. So please don’t be the ungrateful one.
Sounds like you’re misunderstanding my statement.
Amy, those were EXACTLY my thoughts!
I agree with Amy- a sentimental gift (could be handmade or free even!) is so much better than a $20 check.
$25-$40 for a wedding gift.
Who came up with this idea that guests are supposed to cover the cost of their meals? And why, exactly, are guests beholden to this, to the point that people are insulted if this isn’t done?
The notion of “covering your cost” is ridiculous. People (should) have the wedding they can afford, not the one their friends and family will subsidize. We are planning a wedding now and I’m seriously debating doing it out of town because we love to travel. The guest list will be very small and everyone will be told we’d love it if they can make it and have that be their gift to us, to come share our special day. For those who can’t we will likely have a small get together at home afterward without telling them it’s a small “after reception” until they get there and there’s cake and champagne. What can I say, I like eating cake with friends! And I don’t want any of them to feel they have to spend money to eat cake with us! Sure, we will register for some items in case anyone wants to buy a gift…things like new towels, maybe some new wine glasses, etc. we don’t need anything expensive, already got it all. When we attend a wedding, I usually give a gift off the registry for around $100. More if they’re very close friends or family. If it’s out of town, maybe a little less because of the travel expenses. I don’t expect that from anyone who attends ours, we just want them there. We will only spend cash on the wedding, no going into debt for one day, and no need to “recoup costs” (so tacky!)
This post couldn’t have come at a better time since we just received two wedding invitations 🙂 thanks! I am not from the US so I am very surprised at the answers. In my country we give money, at least to cover the cost, and extra for close friends and family. Showers and gifts is not a tradition for us. After all I read, I have decided to get something off the registry for about $100. Thank you all 🙂
I know there’s a lot of criticism on “reimbursing” a couple for the cost of your meal but weddings cost so much that I hate to think that couples have to start their new lives off being in debt from the costs of their wedding. So we always gift enough to cover our meals plus a little extra. This is in addition to the shower gifts, travel costs, dry cleaning, etc.
Whatever happened to just having a wedding you can afford?
I COMPLETELY agree with you, Amy! The guests are not paying for you to get married. Whatever a couple chooses to spend on the wedding should solely be based on what they can afford. The comments suggest that a guest is expected to reimburse the couple and it should be equivalent to the extravagance of the wedding. It is so indicative of a chronic problem in our society….living above our means….
This whole wedding thread has me shocked and makes me sad. I also think that a couple should have a wedding they can afford without expecting their guest to help them with the expenses. Isn’t it common sense? Why “punish” the guests like that? Is like come to my wedding but make sure you pay this much if not I’ll throw a fit, feel insulted, and put you down in the rude list. Why are we paying attention at how much a certain guest gifted? If a couple wants an expensive wedding then they have to work for it! It’s pretty simple!
Exactly! Our wedding was a little over $20k, which for most of my guests, especially in the area we live, was a very extravagant affair. But my husband and I (and my parents!) worked our asses off for that because we WANTED to use our union as a way for our guests to enjoy a lovely fancy affair in a beautiful location, something many of them have never gone and couldn’t afford to do. Isn’t that the point?! We chose to get married, spend the money, and celebrate our love in this fashion, with people that are special to us. No one else is obligated to do a thing!
If you’re seriously expecting or scoffing at anyone who doesn’t give a $100+ gift, have a much smaller wedding. Or if you’re so hung up on who is/isn’t coming because things cost X amount and OMG….AGAIN…have a much smaller wedding and ease your worry, don’t act like a stuck up B…because what you really look like is cheap, no matter how pricey your wedding!
Seriously!! Sadly, I know too many people who invested way more into their wedding day than they did their marriage and are now divorced or remarried. One CAN have a nice wedding without going into huge debt or having the expectation that his or her guests much each pay a lot of money to cover the expenses. If someone can afford a very generous gift then that’s great, but no one should ever be looked down upon for not being able to afford a $100+ gift.
Then they shouldn’t have a big wedding if it will put them in debt.
Exactly! Why do so many people feel entitled to a wedding that is over their budget?!!!! Plus, it is a much happier day when you’re grateful to be with your guests instead of worrying about costs.