How Much Do YOU Spend on a Wedding Gift?
Getting married? Check out this reader email…
I would like to start a discussion on what would be an appropriate gift for a wedding. Is $100 too cheap from a couple? Under normal circumstances, I usually give $150, but I have a cousin getting married in another state. So I figure this is going to cost me probably around $400 (2 nights hotel, gas, eating all meals out, etc). My question is: should all my out-of-pocket expenses affect the gift?
AND, check out these helpful posts…
* Top Places to Register for a Wedding
* Budget-Friendly Gift Ideas for Weddings, Graduations, AND More
* Frugal & Fun Wedding and Frugal Wedding Basket Reader Ideas
And, if you’re looking for “hip” tips on how to plan a budget-friendly wedding, check out the helpful tips in this guest post. Or maybe you’re needing advice on how to buy a wedding ring without breaking the bank, then be sure to check out this guest post and comments!
We always get them the book by Larry Burkett The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples and one thing off their registry for $20.
It’s not a contest. In my opinion, you need to give what YOU are comfortable with giving if you attend. It’s all about friends and family. If someone is inviting you to their wedding to share in their joy, they want your company.
If they are really close family/best friends, that’s different. But for most weddings? I’d spent around 50-75.
We are attending a destination wedding and it’s getting pretty pricy. My spouse is in the wedding. The couple did not register. What do we do for a gift? It was suggested a monogrammed cutting board from Etsy (typical price appears to be $60ish). If not that, how much do we give?
My husband and I were part of a bridal party and they asked us not to give them anything since we had to pay for dress shoes and tux. That’s very considerate. We have invited them for dinners and stuff so we did the same when it came time for our wedding we asked the bridal party not to buy us a gift. I think that is a nice gesture if you’re part of their wedding.
I got my brother and sister-in-law a monogram cutting board for pretty cheap off of giftsforyounow.com. I caught a deal, so I think it was about $20. I was impressed with the quality. They only have a couple design options, but it sure beats $60! Just thought I’d throw that in, I know weddings can get expensive. My husband and I were in one that cost almost as much as our own after travel, bridesmaid dress, suit, and missed work!
I had a destination wedding and personally did not expect anything from the people coming to my wedding, them being there was present enough. We did pay for dresses and groomsmen outfits as well to ease cost for people in the wedding that were making the trip. That being said I think the cutting board would be a great idea, I have also found on etsy plaque like things with their last name and est. date that I think are cute right around the same price
GROUPON has several options for a monogrammed cutting board right now.
$50 for friends, $100 for family.
$100
$100 Family and $50-$100 for friends.
We generally give a $50 gift card.
Financial Peace University and something off their registry worth around $300 for family and close friends. Something off the registry worth around $50 for all the random invites we get. Do what you’re comfortable with and can afford. I’m a big proponent of buying off the registry if you’re doing something other than cash or gift cards though.
For me it depends on if it’s close friend, close family, or just a coworker or someone not as close. I always pick things off their registry since that is what they want. The amount I spend carries but I usually spend more on close family and close friends. A specific amount isn’t important. Just give what you feel is right.
I also REALLY like to give the gift of Financial Peace University class by Dave Ramsey and some extra books or audio cds or dvds that go along with it. Being debt free is an amazing gift.
$100
Same. We give $100
If it’s a close friend, probably $50 but if it’s just an acquaintance maybe $25-30. I also live in an area where cost of living is much less than most places.
These are all great answers. Personally, I think it is best to stick to their registry. They took time to personally choose what they really want &/or need. Check out the registry online and check out all of them & choose one or more things from that. If you want to do cash, I am sure that they will be thrilled with whatever you give. You bring The Hip2Saver should be able to come up with an expensive looking gift for a “lovely” price.
Whatever you do eat cake, dance, enjoy yourself and tell the bride and groom that this was the best wedding you have ever attended!! 😁
Yes! What is with people ignoring registries?? My husband and I took time to research and register for items for our first baby, and I was really surprised at how many people just didn’t go off the registry at all. One lady even told me ‘Oh I don’t like to use those!’ 😦 We were so grateful for ANY gift we received of course, but people register for certain things for a reason. 🤓
I usually give $100 for a couple or $150 if my 2 young children are also invited. If it’s a really close friend or close family member I’d probably give double that.
We average $100 per person. So $200 as a couple. You’re supposed to gift the cost of your meal. In our area $100 a head is a really good price for a wedding venue. Most venues range $150 and higher per head.
I had no idea people paid that kind of money for a wedding. IMO That’s excessive for a celebration. I have 150 people just on my side of the family!
My wedding only cost $20 per head because we shopped around, and we live in a resort area. I know this is low though. When you invite someone to your wedding, your should accept the price personally and the gift is just bonus. If you can’t afford much, make a practical gift basket with a non-obvious value. 40-60 is fine for acquaintances or if you don’t attend the ceremony I think. If you’re well off though I’d try to be generous. They should understand if you have travel costs though.
I agree with Michele. We just got married and got the lowest priced package at a fairly average place for the area and paid over $100 per head. Anything with wedding in the label is marked up to unbelievable prices these days and I feel like people who haven’t thrown a wedding in the last couple years are always shocked to hear this. I’m a hip girl, I don’t take spending money lightly, I shopped around extensively in many different geographical areas and this was a pretty average price for a middle of the road wedding. At $100/head our wedding was not “over the top,” it wasn’t even a plated meal. So just keep this in mind when attending weddings. With that being said, having just gotten married, I can say there is no standard amount for gifts. We had very close family members who gave us $10 and distant friends we rarely see give us $300 and everything in between. I will echo other people that throwing in a thoughtful little gift is nice, but I would stick to money or the registry items for the most part. Also, consider the couple. Like I said I’m a practical hip girl and I had one distant family member give me a $200 platter (not part of my China set, just a casual platter). All I could think was how $200 to put toward a house would be so much more useful than $200 wasted on a plate. I hate to return something someone gave me but I have been tempted. Overall, like others have said, we were really just happy to have people share the day with us.
I’m outside Philly and got married 4 years ago. So fairly recent. My sister got married around the same time in rural Vermont and her wedding was pretty much the same cost. It is crazy how expensive weddings can be!
You’re supposed to gift the cost of your meal? No. A gift is just that, a gift. You give however much you want to. It’s not your responsibility to help them pay for their party. I know that sounds harsh, it’s just my opinion.
I totally agree!
Michele that’s so true! The cost of the meal
really should be included in the overall gift amount.
I think it depends on your circumstances. Any gift in any amount should be appreciated and not judged. If you aren’t attending the wedding in person, maybe you splurge a little and spend more. If you are having a large out of pocket expense that is hitting you hard financially, maybe you send a less expensive well thought out gift. My favorite gift was when I got pieces of my knife set from individuals. They each spent around $15, but I got a full set and love them the most. They came from RADA. These people were elderly and on fixed incomes, but that didn’t even play into my mind when opening the gifts.
$50. We’re a single income family though so that’s our budget. They’ll be appreciative of anything and if they’re not then talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.
Agreed 🙂
I don’t think your expenses should be taken into consideration towards the gift. They are only having the 1 day for wedding right? So they shouldn’t pay for your 3 day/2 night stay. Can you make it into a day trip or is it too far? Otherwise just look at it as a mini Vaca, with the company of family & friends and enjoy it!!! 😊
No. Just No
I think your expenses DO matter. I flew internationally to attend my cousins wedding and my mother in law flew from her house to mine to watch my kids while I was gone. I gave them $40 which was a little more with the exchange rates. He was very happy with that and told me I shouldn’t have given anything at all since it took so much just to be there.
I will cover both mine and my husbands plates. At least $200 as most venues cost at least $100 a plate.
My mother once told me to use the cost of dinner for a gage . For example , taking my family of 6 out for dinner averages about $80. (Since a wedding includes dinner and drinks ) I would try for somewhere around that amount.
Cost of dinner is no where near the price that wedding caterers cost – maybe 20 years ago, but not today in 2016. My caterers charged 75 a head (in Kansas!) plus 20% gratuity. I’m not sure where 6 people can eat for 80 bucks, tax and tip included…that’s 13 bucks a person, tops. No way.
After having received no gifts from 30% of our guests ( I know, I know, gifts aren’t required) I would say that ANY gift is golden. I was very happy with anyone who gave us a gift!
I agree, in my wedding we didn’t receive gifts from about 50% of the guests as my husband is from Zambia and in their culture their presence at the wedding is their gift (I learned this AFTER the wedding which was a little bit of a shocker). We were thankful for those who got us gifts especially if they were from the hubby’s side!
What you spend for a gift I feel varies widely based on where you live, financial circumstances, and relationship to the married couple.
My sister in law is getting married and I got coupons for free travel mypillows so we are going to give them 2 of those so they can use them on their honeymoon. My hubby isn’t working and the retail cost is about $60. The bride and groom don’t need to know what I did or didn’t spend on them and I’m sure they will love owning some MyPillow items so we both win!
I had a destination wedding in Florida and keeping in mind they spent 3-4 days in Miami Florida w travel hotel food and other expenses our cash & gift cards ranged between 25-1500. In all honesty we weren’t expecting some generous gifts we received from friends. So i guess it all depends on what your budget is. Does it have to be affected by your expenses sometimes yes depending on your income. Also putting in consideration bachelorette party gifts for him and her.
Wow. Most of you are very generous. My $25-50 must seem little if these amounts are the norm! Yikes!
agree! I usually do around $25-$30!
Thats what we do too.
Us too! I feel like a lot of these answers are reflective of the entitled culture we live in.
Agreed!
That goes both ways. We didn’t want a wedding but DH’s side felt entitled to one. In the end, most didn’t show and they certainly weren’t generous. We footed the bill by the way. The price we paid to try to keep the peace.
You sound ridiculous. You and your husband didn’t want a wedding but you had one anyways for the sole purpose of other people wanted you guys to have a wedding? And you’re mad because they didn’t give you generous gifts? Sounds like you got exactly what you deserved and learned a good lesson from it.
Oh my goodness! My thoughts exactly!! I’m really appalled at some of these answers. For what it’s worth, if it’s someone close (whether friend or family), $50….otherwise, $30.
You have to remember this is a wedding, not a birthday gift.
i am completely with you. we might attend 10 weddings per year, so $200 would be ridiculous for each of those.
if it is for a co-worker i am only casually friendly with, or a cousin’s kid, or i have never even met the bride, for example, i think $25 is a nice gesture from me, if i am invited to an open-house where i drop by for an hour and no one is drinking anything expensive, and i have a couple hors d’ouevres.
if it is my or my husband’s own sibling, or a first cousin, or a close friend i grew up with, well then yes, i will easily spend more, and also of course give a nice shower gift from the registry on top of that.
i don’t think that there could be a “correct” dollar-amount answer that works for all people and all situations.
It depends on the circumstances. How much am I spending already to attend (hotel, commute, etc). What’s the menu like – is it a casual bbq, or a more fancy steak and dinner meal? Is it open bar or cash?
From myself only – when attending weddings for acquaintances or people I don’t really know, I give $50. Friends are at least a $100, depending how close. And family depends on how close… If it’s like cousins, I would say $300 at least. Immediate family or siblings I usually do $500. My my brother-in-law gave his younger brother $800 for his wedding. However, he has a very lucrative job and was able to afford that. So it really all depends.
$100- $200
Wow.. I feel cheap.. I always get something for the shower but it’s never that much.. Maybe I go in with someone and get a set of pots or just random items costing less than $20..
Nothing wrong with that!
I’m even cheaper than that Morgan. I get invited to everyone’s wedding in my neighborhood/church. They don’t serve dinner, just light refreshments and I never really know the bride or groom – just their parents from church or by living in the same neighborhood. So I give at best a $10-$15 dollar gift. I usually find something from Kohls that is marked reg. $50 and I get it on clearance for $10 (I’ve gotten a lot of nice pyrex dish sets for that price) and they think I spent more. But I’ve never gotten a thank you card – ever, even when I give something expense, so I figure, why should I care if I spend a lot or a little, these people don’t care about me – I’m only invited for the gift. Anyhoo – I just attended another Bridal Shower and I gave a Baby Cakes Pop maker and a box of cake mix. I spent under $7, and I don’t really care if the bride thinks I’m cheap – I don’t know her and it was an open house shower – they served a cupcake and a drink. For her wedding I’m giving a food processor Collin posted a week ago from Target that cost me $7. I get invited to 15-20 wedding/bridal/baby showers a year and I don’t have the money to buy expense gifts for people I don’t know. For family members it’s a different story, but as for neighborhood aquaintances – I will only spend $$10-15 or less. And I don’t feel cheap, you shouldn’t either Morgan!
What about if you got an invite or a group invite but won’t attend?
We usually do $150 for friends or coworkers and $600-800 for very close family.
Girrrrl, wish you and I were first cousins 😂😂😂.
Lol
Yeah right 🙄😂
But then again, I’ve never been to a wedding that had a dinner 🙂
I guess it depends on the person and the circumstances. My former dentist got married and I spent about $100 for his gift. His now wife is also his office mgr so I knew her too and they were awesome and reliable. We were not invited but I felt it was right. For my family and very close friends, I usually spend about $250 for weddings and baby showers (I usually get the stroller or car seat). For everyone else, $50-$100 and I usually send a gift and RSVP that I can’t make it. Sadly, it’s gets pretty expensive if you have to buy a dress, shoes, travel, etc. and I would rather just send a nice gift and save the couple the cost of feeding 2 more people when they probably already have another 50-100 people who are “must invite”.. Family, close friends, bosses, etc.
I think it’s important to note how many people the gift is from. At my wedding, we invited my MIL’s friend and her family – so 6 total people. It was a slap in the face to get 50 dollars from them knowing each meal was 75 and how I could have invited people that I wasn’t closer to than some people id never met in my life.
Your mother in laws friends must hang out with my mils friends lol they did they same thing!
Wow. You’re complaining because you only got 50 bucks from them. Maybe be grateful you received anything. I think any gift, regardless of price, is generous.
It was your choice to invite them… Think of it as a gift to you mil and move on 😉
Are you serious?! A $50 gift is a slap in the face? I don’t know why your guests (guests!) are expected to cover the cost of their meal. If you can’t afford to have a catered meal at your reception, have cake and punch or something. (Expecting a family who could very well be on a very tight budget to pay $450 for a meal is ludicrous.)
I don’t know why we equate our wedding gift to the price per plate. My take is if you invite people to your wedding, you want them to share your special day. If they bring gifts, yay, thank you! If not, be gracious about it and still thank them for coming. Some people are on strict budget, some are just not into giving gifts. Thank you cards are still a must, gift or no gift.
Absolutely!
So ungrateful & petty to post! Perhaps for your next party you should include your expectations on your invites as a stipulation for someone to attend. I wonder how many would attend!
Perhaps you’ve never gotten married.
Actually I have & my husband & paid for our wedding OURSELVES. I guess this is what they mean by the “entitlement generic ” . Think everyone owes you something.
Seriously?? A slap in thr face? Since when did it become a guests responsibility to pay for the meal at your wedding? It is rude and just plain disgusting. All these attitudes on here….sound like a bunch of spoiled brats. I invited people to my wedding so they could celebrate the day with us. I got gifts and money ranging from $20 to $500…and each and every one meant thre world to my husband and me. SMH
V- entitled much! Good think you ONLY got that 😉 ❤️
Usually an amount to cover the cost of your “plate” at dinner.
I have heard this too. Consider how much the couple is spending per person on wedding and give accordingly… FYI destination weddings are often provided free by the resort so hence guests can spend less on the gift….
We do the same!
Yep customary. I wouldn’t attend a wedding if it’s just an acquaintance. If I’m attending a friend’s/family’s wedding, then I’m going to thank them for having me to be a part of their special day. Friends 100/pp and family 200+/pp
Yes, we do the same. Cover the cost of the plate. $150 for acquaintances and $200 for friends and close family
I try to buy something from the registry if possible or something basic that anyone can use if I find a deal on hip2save. I don’t mind giving gifts and I want to give good gifts but my income fluctuates so I do what I can. I just don’t feel that people appreciate it sometimes.
Different topic, lol.
I’ve always heard that you try to cover the cost of the meal and also that you only give one gift. If you do a bridal shower gift then you do not give a wedding gift–unless you just want to.
If I were traveling to a wedding, I would adjust the gift accordingly because I would most likely be losing money from not working due to travel. I always do what I can because I feel giving is important.
I usually give 100 for a wedding, for family and close friends it’s more.
$100 family and $50-$100 for friends
At LEAST $100 per person plus the shower gift.
I give $100 per person invited. If it’s family I’ll also get them a gift from their registry. Friends just get cash.
I’m younger and in the “wedding season” of my life and it seems par for the course for younger couples to give/receive about $50-70 per couple based on the sheer volume of weddings we all attend. I have noticed though that when I got married recently that my more established friends were in the $100-150 range. I don’t think anyone should feel badly about the gift they give. I didn’t invite anyone to my wedding based on the type of gift I thought they would give.
Between $300 and $500.
For brothers/sisters we give $300, for cousins/close friends $100. If we are not attending and need to send a gift its usually $50. But it does vary with out financial situation at that time, if we have more from which to give the gift amount goes up, but generally those are the numbers.
It’s my opinion that wedding guests are not invited to a wedding so that they can pay for their own plate. If you have a meal catered that costs $100 a plate that is your choice. Guests should not feel social pressure to give a $100 gift to cover that cost.
I agree! You’re in control of what you spend per plate and who you invite. I didn’t expect my guests to try to guesstimate what I was spending and “pay” it back… If I did, I would have just sold tickets 😜
A lot of people try/expect/hope to recoup the cost of wedding thru the guests’ gifts. Just like they’re doing business…
i completely agree! people should throw the kind of party they want to have for their wedding. if they want fancy, that is lovely. if they want something more casual, that is okay, too.
and, the couple should not have a party they cannot afford to pay for, and should not have an expectation that guests should be compensating them for the cost of the meal or venue, which was not the guests’ choice!
Completely agree!!! Not everyone can afford to pay $100 a person for a wedding meal. I would never spend that kind of money and expect my guests to all pay for it. I’m probably old-fashioned, but I didn’t even feel right asking my bridesmaids to purchase their dresses knowing that none of them had a lot of extra money laying around. My grandmother was able to make them all and they turned out beautiful.
I agree Rachel, Brittany, and Rebecca. There is no way i/we could afford to *pay* for our plate. That just seems wrong to me.
Yes yes and yes!!!!!
Agreed but I just like to always at least cover the cost. In order to not feel “guilty” about it, I only attend weddings that are “obligatory” such as a close friend, children of close friends or my fiancé’s family as I have no immediate relatives. As for selling tickets, I have attended a several baby showers were its $xx.xx per person (we recently paid $50 to attend a baby shower) and you are expected to bring a gift. It’s pretty common in this area. I still remember paying $30 to attend my cousin’s wife’s baby shower..$30 and the “baby” is now 18. It was at some fancy hotel. So about $50 per person in today’s money.
Wow, I have never heard of selling tickets!
I typically give the couple $20.
For young couples who are just starting out we like to give them a laundry basket filled with all the essentials a home needs that usually get forgotten. We include things like toilet paper, laundry soap, dish items, small kitchen and cleaning items, pancake mix, and other similar things. We throw in a nice fluffy blanket and the gift usually costs around $60-$70 bucks.
I always give enough to cover our meals. Sometimes I look up the venue to make sure it is enough. Usually between $75-$100.
I think there is no right answer to this question. It all depends on household income, relationship with the bride /groom and extent of generosity of the giver…..so it can range from $20 to thousands. Personally we do at least $100 for friends, $500-$600 for close relatives and $10-20 token gifts for coworkers where we are not invited…but again that’s just a number.
My father has always told us the rule of thumb is to guess how much your meal cost and gift that amount maybe some more. If it’s a buffet wedding it may be cheaper then a sit-down meal with filet mignon and salmon etc. In my opinion I would say if it’s a formal sit-down dinner $150-200 is appropriate for a couple. Buffet $100, bbq style $50-75. But it also depends on if you are short on money and I believe that if your traveling its acceptable to gift less
You have to do what works for you. I generally start at what is equal to about 1.5% of my monthly income going up to about 3% depending on how close I am to the couple. This is also in addition to any shower gifts I may give to the couple which are roughly half the price of whatever I plan to spend on the actual wedding gift. I do save some money buy using Bed, Bath, & Beyond’s 20% off coupons since most couples register there.
NYC? Long Island?$300+ per couple
Do what works for you and your family. Last wedding I attended ( and the one I will attend in July) are given a simple card at the wedding and I take a few candid shots at the wedding reception and make a photo canvas. I note in the card their gift will arrive within 4-6 weeks but don’t say what it is. It went over really well with the family. You can get a Groupon or living social deal for these as well. It’s personal and fits our budget.
General etiquette would be a number that covers the cost of the plate. I’ve always been surprised by how many people ask to bring kids or others that were not listed on the invitation. I think they may not realize how expensive each plate is in major cities.